Board Wars - A New Dope, Part V

(Sorry, folks, but with everything going on, haven't had a chance to get back to this 'til now)

BRIEF RECAP: Our heroes have been victimized by technobabble and have been pulled into the Death Board. Okay? Okay.

(Face Troopers march into the hangar bay where the Minimum Effort is parked)

Face Troopers: I don't know but I've been told/Andorian girls are mighty cold...
Spock's Tricorder: Lord Ader! The ship appears to have been abandoned. The escape pods were ejected and there's a note in the airlock telling the post office to hold all mail, and there's a drama queen post in the Red Room saying they're leaving and never coming back.
Ader: Get a scanning crew aboard. I want every part of this ship checked. (pauses) I sense something...a presence I've not felt since...
(beat)
Spock's Tricorder: Since when?
Ader: Don't you know a pregnant pause when you see one?
Spock's Tricorder: Actually, no, sir, I've never seen a pause mate.
Ader:....just get to it, commander.
Spock's Tricorder: Yes sir! (to Face Troopers) Get a scanning crew aboard! I want every part of this ship checked! And if you see a pause breeding, bring it to me!
Ader:

(Inside the Minimum Effort, Face Troopers march through empty corridors, then leave. Inside the men's room, the toilet lifts up and Chris sticks his head out)
Shepherd: Why are we hiding under the toilet?
Chris: I usually keep Wordin's posts in here. I never thought I'd be smuggling myself in them.
Chewie: ANTHRACITE!
Chris: Chewie's right. Our asses are gonna get burned as soon as we try to escape. We'll never get past that tachyon beam doohickie thingie.
Spaceturkey: Leave that to me.
Chris: Damned fool, I knew you were gonna say that.
Spaceturkey: Who's more the fool, the fool or the fool who pities him?
Chewie: QUARTZ!

(Inside the hangar security station)
Spock's Tricorder: TK421, why aren't you trolling Browncoats?
(outside, Face Trooper emerges from the Minimum Effort, looks at Spock's Tricorder, taps helmet)
Spock's Tricorder: We've got another trooper who thinks I'm crazy. I'll deal with it.
(opens door, eyes widen as he sees Chewie standing there)
Chewie: STFU! (whaps Spock's Tricorder, as Chris appears behind him and blasts Face Trooper at the console.)
Shep: Yoiu know, between him yelling unintelligible consonants and you blasting every Face in sight, it's a wonder the whole station doesn't know we're here.
Chris: Bring 'em on. I prefer shooting Faces than having to listen to all this board lawyer gibberish...
JOCLAND2: BROOMPT! BEEP BEEP! NYUCK NYUCK NYUCK!
TMM3KO: We've found a computer terminal!
Chris: Kewl, let me check the White Room...
Spaceturkey: First things first. See if you can find out the location of the tachyon beam.
Chris:
JOCLAND2: TWEET! BURP! BURP! BRAGAPOO!
TMM3KO: Sir, she's found the source of the meaningless technobabble holding the ship here. (screen shows Yahoo! map)
Spaceturkey: I don't think you boys can help. I must go alone.
Shep: But...
Spaceturkey: No, young Shep, I understand you want to be a hero...
Shep: But...
Spaceturkey: The Princess is depending on you to guard those droids...
Shep: But...
Spaceturkey: No buts. The Forge will be with you. Always. (turns, trips, falls down)
Shep: I tried to tell you...your shoes are untied.
Spaceturkey: (leaves)
Chewie: JURASSIC!
Chris: You said it Chewie. Where did you dig up that old hippie?
Shep: General Spaceturkey is a great man.
Chris: Yeah, great at falling over his shoes.
JOCLAND2: BIBBELDY BEEP! BETTY BOOP!
Shep: What is it now?
TMM3K: I don't know sir. She keeps repeating, "She's here!"
Chris: She found some porn?
TMM3K: No, sir...the Princess.
Shep: Princess Tamar?
Chris: Princess Tamar porn?
TMM3K: She's being held in the detention block. I'm afraid she's going to be executed.
Chris: Before or after she does porn?
Shep: No, you idiot! She's the owner of the droids. We've got to help her!
Chris: Nuh-uh.
Shep: But they're going to execute her!
Chris: If there's no porn involved, I don't care.
Shep:....er...um...she's hot.
Chris: Huh?
Shep:...er yeah...hot, powerful...if you were to rescue her, the reward would be....
Chris: What?
Shep: Well...something good, I'm sure. Hotter than you can imagine.
Chris: I don't know...I can imagine quite a bit...Angelina Jolie and a horde of Victoria's Secret models fighting over me...
Shep: You'll get it.
Chris: I'd better.
Shep: You will! (crosses fingers behind his back)

TO BE CONTINUED

Best line yet!

Kudos.

Good job...

How is it I never appear in these things but Spock's Tricorder get's a starring role?

Relax, guys, the sextology is young yet...

me's a person gonna DIE!!!!!!