ConstipationForge assemble!

Meals today consist of leftover Zaterains & smoked sausage burritos.


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That looks like it would be a mighty fine shindig.

Had a nice one this morning.

Massive bm last night

I think I killed all the sewer mutants.

Why do you think that?

I'm sitting here contemplating a trip. I have a feeling it will be epic. I cannot locate my air freshener though.

Well, at least you didn't have to break it up with a serving fork.

Is he dead yet?

One time while camping out, I dropped one so big that one of my campmates was convinced it came out of a bear.

I laughed and laughed.

Then dude showed me where it was, and it turned out it wasn't mine. It really was from a bear.

Well. That was good writing.

I just liberated my soul.

I really think I should pass out cigars to my co-workers after the bouncing baby BM triplets I just delivered.....breach BTW.

On the bright side, I can now squeeze into a size 1 dress again!

Had a long, long but productive one this morning. I went down two fighting weight classes!

If you really want to brag. . .

Gross! Not to mention a few of these toilet snakes were poisonous.

Pretty sure I just shat a Buick.

I'm surprised you cared enough to post this thread, back when you were really having troubles, oldfella.

Usually, people who are constipated don't give a crap.

This morning was epic - but nearly tragic.

Old fellah, you get constipated. Down one of those cheap 40oz bottle of malt liquor. It will have you going like a goose in no time. Or if you can find some beer with the yeast still on it like the trappist types, it does that too. Its kind of a natural thing and I think better than those active laxitives. I have had back pain in the past and one thing I have learned is that its pretty mild and does not bother me so much now, but if constipated, it brings on the lumbar pain.

Look at this damn thread, we are not old folks.

Huh. For the past few weeks I've been packing on the weight. Easily 10-15 pounds over where I want to be. And I've been prone to miserable stanky farts at inopportune times.

Suddenly, at 4:30 yesterday morning, I woke up, feeling like I needed to fart. But I luckily realized I didn't need to fart and shuffled off to the toilet.

There I proceeded to spray paint the bowl and the underside of the rim with an evil brown slurry. Thus done, I got up to head back to bed. I got to the door and decided to go sit down again for round two. By this morning, I was about 7 pounds lighter.

I named my runny smelly offspring [redacted due to non-red room rules].

Garbage in, garbage out. You guys really need to rethink what you eat...

hey - there's lots of stuff that is good for you and still is pretty horrific coming out. orange juice, anyone?

All I know is the "Eskimo Pies" I bought are nothing but ice cream bars!
I figured a had stumbled upon a great protein source.

Seven pounds. That's quite the accomplishment!

So, instead of putting on weight, I typically just... well, let's just say I'm shocked I didn't just clog the entire sewer.

I read this thread, and then I was looking in another thread for smilies.


This is under the "Naughty" smilies.


It's gross, so I'll spoiler it:

Bristol Stool Scale.