Shep has problems. I understand that. Everybody has problems. I don't think that Shep's gender is the source of his problems; and I don't think that an alteration is the solution. This is a huge mistake that will make his life harder, and more miserable.
I offer no judgements of Shep's decision one way or the other, because frankly, it's none of my fucking business. Shep has chosen to tell us all, likely out of curiosity over the reactions and a need to share a major life event. I will treat him no differently than I ever have, because since I've never met him in meatspace he's really nothing more than a screen persona to me anyway. So all I have to say on the matter is "Good luck".
Don't make the assumption that just because I criticize you, that I think any less of you than I did 36 hours ago when I never knew about any of this. Like I've said a couple times, I respect and support your decision, because I respect and support YOU, and while I realize that you have obviously thought this through quite a bit(that much is evident from your replies)....I still want to hammer out all the finer details. Part of that will be trolling and a bit of making fun, which I'm sure you don't mind, and part of that is a serious concern about your family and the people around you. Like Paladin, I don't consider the people I collaborate with to just be internet persona's. To me, you are all real people, with real jobs, a real family, and this is just a different place to discuss all that. Trust me, I applaud you for the ability, especially after 20 years, to make a decision like this. God knows you have guts that don't have. So, the credit is there.
I don't understand trans-sexualism. You say you feel like a woman but don't lust for men. So does that mean you are a lesbian inside? If you're attracted to women, that obviously is a manly trait. So if you want to wear a dress, then wear a dress. No one is stopping you. This is a surprising revelation.
The source of confusion is the sloppy assumption that gender is defined by sexual attraction. Scientists have done many studies that identify a long list of differences in the way men and women thing and differences in the way their brains are structured. Sexual attraction is only one component of it. In fact, not a few people go through much of their life not particularly interested in sex with ANY one. My guess is that the continued presence of testosterone plays a role but it's just a guess.
And the result of what you feel like right now is because of a decrease in testosterone? Or what? I'm confused here.
That wasn't what I was referring to exactly. When one goes on HRT, you don't just take E, but you take a T-blocker too. and of course eventually you lose the source of T. It's at least possible that that process might have somethng to do with developing an emotional or sexual openness to men you didn't have before. Of course, the counter argument is that there's no pattern of absence of T leading to attraction to males in other non-gender related situations. So who the hell knows.
Well, the way I understand it, T serves a bigger purpose than just making your dick grow, creating body hair, facial hair, etc, etc. There might be some kind of imbalance in your body, but if you take away T, won't that affect a lot more than just your 'manly' features?
Adding E and blocking T produces several effects. the most noticeable is fat redistribution (which is why I want to get my weight down as far as possible before I do that even if I had the money). You tend to put fad deposits on the hips and breast area more so than in the belly but also, places you wouldn't normally thing of like the face will see a shift which has a somewhat feminizing effect on facial features. The other thing is that, while there is no real impact on facial hair, there is sometimes (and it varies wildly) an effect on body-hair patterns, particularly in places where females don't normally have hair issues. And what remains is often finer and softer. Long term (over a year) such HRT would render a male sterile and there's a shrinkage of the testicles - further out (2-3 years or more) all the genitalia has decreased in size (which for some puts a bit of a deadline on surgery since if the genitals get too small it's difficult to create a vagina with much depth) Also, the effects are more pronounced, by far, in those under 25 than they are in later years. if you put a 20 year old on HRT, and one who's family had favorable genetics, he might well grow an impressive pair of natural breast. whereas it's somewhat rare for a man past 40 to achieve a natural C and VERY rare to go beyond that. There are youtube videos which chronicle transitions over a period of months or years. I remember last year one remarkable series which, if you watch the first one and the last one the change just from homrones is amazing. But again, this person was pretty young.
I can tell you, that this is not a sudden thing. I have known about it and been discussing it with Shep for months now and the impact on his family has always been a paramount concern in virtually every conversation. Which is also why I am a lot less shocked about it than most of you. Part of his revelations here are as much about self-acceptance as it is about informing us of an important part of who Shep is. Part of a larger process within a long journey. And really, for a BBS full of malcontents it's actually gone pretty well! Oh, and Dan...I don't think Shep has much hope for a smooth road until some electrolysis is done. That is one hairy beast!
Hopefully more laser than electro! I once got on an elevator with Bigfoot and he looked at me and said "Man, you one hairy muther!" Haven't seem much specific mention of him. Might not be readin the right threads or maybe it's just been a quiet spell.
Well, this is certainly something to digest... Firstly, This, along with all homosexuality, isn't a route that you "go", as Shep would now (and from his commentary, presumably all along) tell you. It's not something you get to pick, which makes it all the tougher to deny them the equal rights they seek, but that's for another thread... At the same time, I have to say that Paladins post #25 is arguably the most reflective, evaluative, scrutinizing broad-view assessment I've seen in the seven years I've been here. There is much to absorb therein, and nothing there can be dismissed. The scope of it is upheaving and heartrending for all involved. However, ultimately, I have to conclude that no one in Shep's world can be the better for it, at least in the long term, by Shep denying the core of what he or she is.
It really was a good post. And really, all I ever wanted from those who objected was thoughtfulness and not knee-jerking. I have come to learn that it's just as often true that a person's family and loved ones cone through the experience strong and more committed as it is that the relationships explode and there is much unhappiness. It seems to me that a spouse is a unique player in something like this - they are the ONE person who has a legitimate right to feel betrayed and wronged. But for everyone else, my parents or my brother or my friends or acquaintances - my view is that if you cared about me, legitimately, before, then you still will. If you don't now, then you never did. So far, I've told my mom, and my favorite sis-in-law (the only member of her family worth the effort) and a few friends and no one has been hostile or rejecting (I was real worried what my mother would think). I'm sure when my Dad finds out he'll be most unhappy but that's the last thing that is going to give me pause. There are only a few important people left beyond that circle and as for the rest - I'm quiet convinced there are few who thought highly of me before so I don't lose much if they think little because of this. So it really does, essentially, all come down to how it plays out for my wife. As I have said before, I really don't have an easy answer there. Either coming out or repression would have ended badly.
^ One way or another, Nova, you had to do it. Loving your family and protecting them from how you felt deep down inside is one thing, but destroying your own soul? No, that would have been unacceptable. Too high a price. It is better that you spoke the truth. The truth sets you free. I believe your wife will come to understand that, once the initial shock has subsided. You needed to be free. J.
Well, good luck to you and your family and friends Nova dude... Just get everything mentally sorted out, you know, reconcile yourself with yourself and relatives etc... That's what is most important right now...
Eddie Izzard is a british comic who is a transvestite. Funniest stand up comic there is. He also has a show on FX where he is a irish traveler.
I agree with the first paragraph but the rest is a conclusion that I'm not qualified to judge one way or the other. I just don't know Nova that well. If it is a mistake, though, it's definitely going to be on an epic scale.
You don't know me but after lurking on this board for a little I have to admire your ... balls to open yourself like that here. Surprised by the reactions though. Can't claim to understand how you feel but I wish you the best of luck. But please think of your family first. Family is the most important thing we have in our lives. Which means we have to sacrifice mundane "things" or even parts of ourselves if necessary.
