Fleet Admiral Carson Tower

I'm not the least bit interested in fantasy, witches and what have you.

#88-R.S.V.P
While awaiting rescue following a shuttle crash, the remaining crewmembers prepare an impromptu birthday party for Commander Townsend.

From "A Brief History of the Thousand Yahren War".

The Twelve Colonies of Man- Overview.

Core Worlds

Ares
Population: 14.4 billion
Survivors of the Fall: Ragtag fleet: 15,000
Survivors left planetside: 150,000

True to its name, Ares was one of the more militaristic colonies. It was exceeded in that regard only by Scorpio. The planets Ares, Caprica, Sagittaria, Taura and the inhabited moon Gemon formed the so called “core worlds” of the Twelve Colonies. Heavily populated, heavily industrialized Ares was a center of science and technology and in both absolute and per capita terms it was the greatest supporter of the Colonial Fleet. Surprisingly, Ares was the center of a revolt some 90 years before the Fall when the Quorum of the Twelve appeared to reject a possible chance for peace with the Cylons.

The Battlestar: Rykon was homeported at Ares at the time of its destruction. It was replaced by the Battlestar: Atlantia which was destroyed about 50 yahrens later at the peace conference.

Sagittaria
Population: 6.2 billion
Survivors of the Fall: Ragtag fleet: 8,000
Survivors left planetside: ????

The story of Sagittaria is one of the saddest of the Twelve Colonies from the Fall. Historically, Sagittaria prided itself on its military technologies and as the colony of one of the Fleets greatest modern military heroes, Commander Cain. Unfortunately, the apparent loss of Cain’s battlestar, Pegasus at the Battle of Molecay two years prior to the Fall left the planet without a representative among the fleet’s largest capital vessels. The Battlestar: Helios was under construction as a replacement at the time of the Cylon attack.
Sagittarians also prided themselves on having the most advanced planetary defense system in all the colonies. This proved to be their undoing. During the Cylon attack, planetary defenses destroyed a Cylon baseship. The baseship split in half and the pieces impacted on two of the largest population centers on the planet causing staggering levels of destruction. It is not known if any people on the surface of the planet survived the Cylon attack. The 8,000 people who fled with the ragtag fleet were all aboard various civilian ships and orbital stations/habitats at the time.

Taura
Population: 2.3 billion
Survivors of the Fall: Ragtag fleet: 12,000
Survivors left planetside: 1,800.000

One of the core worlds of the Twelve Colonies, Taura had a long reputation as a center of trade, finance and industry despite its relatively small population. It served very much as a “way station” between the larger worlds like Caprica and the inner and outer colonies. The planets great axial tilt gave it wide seasonal variance leading to the planet becoming a major player in the hospitality industry as well as a larger portion of its local athletes becoming professionals. At the time of the final Cylon attack the largest and most advanced Colonial Fleet shipyards were located near Taura. Tauran society much like their Caprican neighbors had disdain for the use of robots, androids or other similar systems.

For some reason, during the Cylon attack large portions of Taura appeared to have escaped direct attack with rumors that at least one and perhaps as many as three major cities and numerous smaller communities being unmolested. This could be why so few Taurans apparently chose to join the ragtag fleet. Some believe that Cylon forces which would’ve launched attacks on population centers on Taura had to be diverted to destroy the shipyards in particular the nearly completed Battlestar: Helios
The Battlestar: Prometheus was homeported at Taura at the time it was destroyed at the peace conference.

Caprica
Population: 19.1 billion
Survivors of the Fall: Ragtag fleet: 55,000
Survivors left planetside: 480,000

Caprica was the second largest colony in population and was the unofficial capital of the Twelve Colonies with all branches of the government meeting there routinely, key Colonial Fleet bases and the most prestigious Colonial military academies located there. The family of Commander Adama was Caprican and the Battlestar: Galactica was homeported there. Thanks to its extremely strong economy and a high level of support for the Colonial Fleet, Caprica often served as a mediator in many InterColonial disputes
Due to the Galactica being the sole known surviving Colonial battlestar and the large numbers of Capricans who survived to join the ragtag fleet, the influence of Capricans among the human survivors is even greater than it was before.
Note that the revolt that began on Ares some 90 yahrens before the fall progressed to civil war on Ares, Caprica, Taura, and Sagittaria along with large scale civil unrest on Virgo and Aquarius. Scorpio avoided it with very harsh and repressive measures.

Gemon
Population: 320 million
Survivors of the Fall: Ragtag fleet: 5,000
Survivors left planetside: 6,000

Gemon is a small world that orbits Caprica. Its relatively small population meant that it exerted little cultural and political influence in Colonial affairs and outsiders (even those from Caprica) were rather ignorant of many of the religious customs and traditions practiced there. Much of the massive Cylon attacked aimed at Caprica “spilled over” against targets on Gemon and the small world suffered severely. On the other hand, its proximity to Caprica meant that nearly half of the survivors of the Cylon attack were evacuated. Survivors in the fleet retain their social and religious conservatism while the experience with the destruction of their home has led them to also match their religious fervor with anti Cylon fanaticism.


Battlestar: Poseidon was homeported at Gemon at the time it was destroyed at the peace conference.



Inner Colonies
Aquarius
Population: 15.5 billion
Survivors of the Fall: Ragtag fleet: 30,000
Survivors left planetside: 70,000

Considered the most beautiful of the colonies this 85% water world was home to the most temperate climates of all the colonies. Politically and culturally a fierce rival of its neighbor Virgo. The large number of commercial vessels homeported there enabled many to be available for evacuation after the Cylon attack. Due to its large bodies of water, Aquarius became a favorite training area for Colonial fleet personnel who needed to acquire experience in aquatic environments. The abundance of sea life also gave rise to a huge industry in exotic sea foods very well-known across all the colonies as well as a lucrative sports fishing industry. Sadly, during the final Cylon attack, Aquarius was heavily bombarded with enhanced radiation weapons.
Battlestar: Solaria was homeported at Aquarius at the time it was destroyed at the peace conference.

Leonis
Population: 7.2 billion
Survivors of the Fall: Ragtag fleet: 5,000
Survivors left planetside: 80,000?

If any of the twelve colonies could be described as “typical” it would be Leonis. Roughly in the middle in population and size with a diversified economy and a culture that was very much an amalgamation of the major trends and traditions of the other eleven colonies.

The fate of many survivors from Leonis is one of the major mysteries of the end of the war. Apparently, a large number of civilian evacuation ships collected survivors from various parts of the planet and successfully moved into interstellar space but most failed to reach the rendezvous point with the ragtag fleet. Other evacuation ships did reach the rendezvous which has led many to believe that the missing ships for some unknown reasons set off on their own.

Leonis was the site of one of the largest fleet battles during the final Cylon attack. Dozens of Colonial Fleet warships were destroyed there along with at least two Cylon Basestars, several support ships and countless raiders.

Battlestar: Acropolis was homeported at Leonis at the time it was destroyed at the peace conference.

Libra
Population: 4.1 billion
Survivors of the Fall: Ragtag fleet: 2,500
Survivors left planetside: ????

Libra was a colony that specialized heavily in the production of foodstuffs of all kinds and in advanced medical technology. Libra was the center of medical research and education for all the colonies. Very much the “breadbasket” of the colonies, two of the major continents in the southern hemisphere were sparsely populated and largely devoted to large scale agriculture with the only major cities near ports. Because modern agriculture was highly mechanized, the Librans did not hesitate to make widespread use of robotic systems and other automated labor-saving devices.

For some unknown reason, as civilian ships were evacuating Libra after the Cylon attack, another completely unexpected wave of Cylon ships appeared, attacking and destroying many of the vessels. For this reason, few Librans managed to rendezvous with the ragtag fleet and knowledge of post attack conditions on the planet is perhaps the thinnest of all.
Battlestar: Argo was homeported at Libra at the time it was destroyed at the peace conference.

Virgo
Population: 24.5 billion
Survivors of the Fall: Ragtag fleet: 2,000
Survivors left planetside: 20,000?

Virgo was the unofficial leader of the “inner colonies”. The most populace colony by far, surprisingly it had the fewest people to survive and evacuate with the Ragtag fleet. The Cylons virtually exterminated the population of the world though a portion of this could be due to the deaths of survivors due to famine and disease brought on by the collapse of Colonial society and trade after the Fall. The Battlestar: Columbia was homeported at Virgo and stationed in orbit at the time of the Peace Conference but was destroyed while attempting to defend it and the other inner colonies.

The famous Battlestar: Cerebus was originally homeported at Virgo at the time Adama, Cain and Apollo (whom Adama named his oldest son after) were assigned aboard. It was destroyed 65 yahrens prior to the peace conference.

Later information indicates that the Cylons (possibly due to Virgo’s large population) unleashed a deadly though short lived biological weapon on the planet.

Outer Colonies
Scorpio

Population: 14.5 billion
Survivors of the Fall: Ragtag fleet: 25,000
Survivors left planetside: 200,000

Scorpio was the most militaristic of the colonies and its government and people routinely preferred the most aggressive options available. Scorpio tended to dominate its two fellow outer colonies (Picon and Cancer) politically, economically, and culturally. Picon deeply resented this but the citizens of Cancer largely came to an accommodation with their larger neighbor. Unlike many of the colonies such as Caprica, colonists on Scorpio accepted and utilized robots and androids in their economy and support positions in their military. This of course led to Scorpio becoming a center in cybernetic research.

Scorpio’s law enforcement system was known for being harsh and unrelenting. With their own citizens but even more so with citizens of other colonies accused of crimes there. The legendary mountaineer and colonial warrior Croft and his wife were from Scorpio.​

The Battlestar: Triton was homeported at Scorpio at the time of its destruction at the peace conference.​

Cancer

Population: 120 million
Survivors of the Fall: Ragtag fleet: 15,000
Survivors left planetside: 0 known

Cancer and Picon were long dominated by Scorpio. Cancer long accepted the leadership of the much larger planet and had a close relationship with their neighbors. Some believe that hostility between Cancer and Picon also led the smaller colony to seek closer ties with Scorpio to minimize any attempt by Picon to dominate it.
Later intelligence reports suggest that Cancer was ultimately left uninhabitable as a result of the Cylon attack.​

While Cancer was the smallest of the colonies Battlestar: Pacifica the largest battlestar ever built was homeported there at the time of its destruction. It was replaced by Battlestar: Olympic which was destroyed over 100 yahrens later at the peace conference.

Picon
Population: 850 million
Survivors of the Fall: Ragtag fleet: 6,000
Survivors left planetside: 450-550,000?

Picon was one of the two smaller “outer colonies” and as such was long dominated politically and culturally by the aggressive Scorpio. As a reaction to this it developed an intense nationalism and localized “arrogance” regarding their colony as opposed to the other eleven. Picon had long supplied much of the Twelve Colonies Tylium needs through mining operations both planetside and off world.

Count (Lord) Baltar was from Picon. He was an enormously wealthy war profiteer specializing in providing Tylium its derivatives and technology that utilized it to the Colonial Fleet. Baltar later used his wealth to advance in planetary politics eventually rising to the position of deputy to the Picon Quorum of the Twelve representative. The unexpected death of the Picon representative enabled Baltar to take his seat in the Quorum and sometime later present the infamous peace proposal by the Cylons.

It is now believed that Baltar was assured by the Cylons that Picon would be spared from attack and that he would become the leader of the colony (and possibly survivors of other colonies who would naturally trek to the one colony untouched by devastation). Ironically, Baltar’s preparations for his colony’s future dominance would enable many of his people to survive the attack. Unfortunately, Baltar’s betrayal led to people from Picon being a low priority for the evacuation.

Battlestar: Bellerophon was homeported at Picon at the time of its destruction at the peace conference. Prior to the peace conference, Baltar sought permission by the Quorum of the Twelve to keep Bellerophon near Picon but it was denied

In the ragtag fleet, Picons have striven to live down their connection to the great traitor by becoming almost as militantly anti Cylon as the Gemonese.

Note, when you consider that Baltar harbored long standing grievances against at least four of the other eleven colonies (Caprica, Ares, Scorpio, and Cancer) his betrayal of all of humanity in retrospect seems not wholly unexpected. In addition, representatives from Aquarius and Virgo had a history of blocking many of Baltar’s political initiatives.

file:///C:/Users/ADKIT/OneDrive/Desktop/future%20Enterprise.pdf

You do realize you can't use the file location on your computer as an image link.

Sorry. I'm having all sorts of problems putting an image of my future Enterprise up.

Rotate the PDF, use the Sniping tool, save the image, then upload the image.

what is the Sniping tool? I don't see the option.

Dayton,

Your imagination and overall plots are interesting, but your dialogue needs a lot of work. People don't talk like that.

#89-A Profoundly Different Perspective-
A bizarre accident strands Tower, Goldstein, and Stafford in a strange, desolate, and forbidding place that they've never been before. The outer hull of the Enterprise.

"Cloaking devices just make people lazy." Captain Frasier said absently to no one in particular as he relaxed in his command chair on the bridge of the U.S.S. Discovery. "What was that sir?" said Lt. Langford from the port side bridge station.

"I said cloaking devices just make people lazy. It is easy to forget space is vast and the resources available to any reasonably competent starship crew is nearly beyond measure. Just look at the Discovery, six hundred and fifty five meters long and still larger overall that 95% of the vessels in the fleet. Yet with competent maneuvering, smart use of our most basic systems, we can still basically disappear as effectively as if we were cloaking!".

"But sir, we do have a cloaking device!" Langford said in mild protest. "Because it might be handy to have." Frasier replied. "Not because we will probably ever need it. I've heard that there are older Klingon and Romulan officers who think having cloaking devices has made their crews soft. Probably right."

Tracker encounters plot of hentai supremist!

"Though technically we don't have a cloaking device" Frasier thought to himself. "One has to obey all the treaties the Federation has signed no matter how foolish they are." "What we refer to as a 'cloaking device' down on Deck 33 doesn't have its mass shadow phase inducer installed." Which legally means it isn't a cloaking device. If we needed it to function as a cloaking device the inducer would be brought up from Deck 36 and could be installed in minutes. Frasier didn't see that as being really necessary. As he had pointed out to Langford, he could duplicate the effect of a cloaking device easily enough with careful maneuvering and manipulation of the existing ships systems.

Since the original showrunner and author has been sacked for lack of creativity, I will be taking over the Fleet Admiral Carson Tower series.

It will be bolder! Sexier! More exciting! Darker! Grittier! Less-Daytony!

"Choking devices just make people lazy." Captain Frasier said absently to no one in particular as he relaxed in his command chair in the orgy suite on the U.S.S. Discovery. "What was that sir?" said Lt. Langford from the prone position.

"I said choking devices just make people lazy. It is easy to forget that the strength of two human hands is vast and the desire for autoerotic asphyxiation of this starship crew is nearly beyond measure. Just look at the Discovery, six hundred and fifty five crewmen and still larger overall that 95% of the vessels in the fleet. Yet with competent maneuvering, smart use of our most basic systems, we can still basically choke out a bitch as if it were part of our automated systems".

"But sir, we do have a choking device!" Langford said in mild protest, almost daring Captain Frasier to whip him again. "Because it might be handy to have." Frasier replied. "Not because we will probably ever need it. I've heard that there are older Klingon and Romulan officers who think having choking devices has made their crews soft". Captain Frasier looked at the large bulge between his legs. "Probably right."

Even his fantasies have loopholes.

#90-The Witching Hour

Declaring that he is not the least bit interested in "fantasy, witches and what have you", Tower reluctantly leads a mission to Hogwartia IV, which is home to a pre-warp society that practices what appears to be magic. With Starfleet Command wanting to get to the bottom of how these pre-warp people achieve such feats as transformation, personal cloaking and Artificially Intelligent sorting hats, Tower has been sent to investigate. As it turns out, the people of Hogwartia IV are supremely scientifically advanced....they just never bothered with interstellar space exploration. Yet, their scientific discoveries are so advanced that Starfleet is actually considering first contact with them.

Before the matter can be debated, Tower nukes the planet from above. "I know they're not actually witches.....but thinking that they're witches is just as bad as actually being witches".

#91-Any Fleet In A Storm

After being removed from Starfleet for not-less-than 32 infractions, civilian Carson Tower seeks out employment elsewhere in non-aligned fleets. Unable to get a commission, he enlists in the only fleet that will take him: The Pakled Alliance. Private Carson Tower asks his new Pakled friends to help him hack his former ship and retrieve his precious personal logs. Not realizing that the records aren't publicly viewable like some of the ship's other logs, the Pakleds tell Tower that his logs have been deleted.

EDITORS NOTE: This show will be called "Private Carson Tower of the Pakled Alliance" from this point forward.

#92-Friends in Slow Places

While assimilating with his new crewmates on his new ship, the D'kless, Private Carson Tower of the Pakled Alliance encounters two more humans who sign up to become crewmembers: Injin McCletus, a refugee from a redneck colony who was exiled due to his name being too "ethnic", and Jimmy "Flashlight" Smith a former Starfleet officer who resigned his commission in protest after receiving a demerit for insulting a fellow officer. Flashlight is out to prove that he doesn't need Starfleet and its "rules" while Injin just wants someone to love. Injin and Tower share a smoldering secret desire for each other which they publicly express by acting like dudebros.

"Toking devices just make people hazy." Captain Frasier said absently to no one in particular as he relaxed in his command chair in the chill suite on the U.S.S. Discovery. "What was that sir?" said Lt. Langford staring at the ceiling.

"I said toking devices just make people hazy, y'know, bongs and shit man. It is easy to forget that the human lungs have the capacity to draw, like, fucktons of smoke in and the combined lung capacity of this starship crew is nearly beyond measure. Just look at the Goofygrass, probably six hundred crewmen and still, like, waay, larger overall than, like loads of the vessels in the fleet. We could just pump that shit through the ventilation system and never get out of bed man, yet with competent rolling, smart use of our fingers, we can still, y'know, make shit happen natures' way.

"But sir, we do have a toking device!" Langford said in mild protest, watching the joint in the Captains' hand vacantly. "Because it might be handy to have." Frasier replied. "Not because we will probably ever need it. I've heard that there are older Klingon and Romulan officers who think it makes a good party game and kill the one who passes out first". Captain Frasier looked at the large reefer he had just dropped between his legs. "Probably right" he said whilst contemplating philosophically the pot burn in the groin of his jump suit and how long it would be before it got through to flesh.

"Stroking devices just make people lazy." Private Tower said absently to no one in particular as he relaxed in his recliner in the barracks on the Pakled cruiser D'Kless. "What was that, my lover?" said Injeun kneeling before him.

"I said stroking devices just make people lazy. It is easy to forget that the human hands have the capacity to vary their strokes in a near random manner. Why, all a man would have to do is lube up the palms of his hands and they would feel just like the wet, warm, satisfying mouth of another man.

"But sir, we do have a stroking device!" Injeun said in mild protest, watching Tower's bulge grow. "Because it might be handy to have." Tower replied. "Not because we will probably ever need it. I've heard that there are older Klingon and Romulan officers who think it makes a good orgy tool". Tower looked at the tiny half-bulge between his legs. "Probably right" he said as he wondered to himself how he might get The Flashlight to join them for a threesome.

Cartman is surprised to learn jadzia dax is a ginger and marries anna when he is older.

Now firmly established on the new vessel, Private Tower attempts to enlist the help of some of his Pakled colleagues in sabotaging the Enterprise. Irking Tower by proving that they are smarter than him, some of them point out that to do so would be illegal and potentially very dangerous. Tower had already broadcast his intentions on wide-band subspace, alerting Starfleet. He abandons the plan for now.
Instead, Tower resorts to recycling his log entries from his Enterprise days.

Tower initiated a new plan, he would adopt the identity of a disgraced Starfleet Security Officer called Samewell who had developed severe friction burns whilst molesting a Horta. He used a transporter duplicate to pass himself off as this Samewell and contacted Starfleet via an emergency channel.

Unfortunately his plan suffered from one fatal flaw, the real Samewell was still alive and active polishing the waste receptacles on the Enterprises' Orgy Room. His efforts to impersonate Samewell proved futile when he couldn't identify the correct orifice for oral polishing on the communal "crack whore" android, thus failing his quarterly review.

During the subsequent investigation by Starfleet Intelligence he was initially thought to be a Changeling infiltrator until it became clear his assumed identity simply couldn't be one of the ruthless, cunning and powerful Changelings. For one, his personal hygiene standards and bodily odour cast question on his biology, nothing could falsify them so convincingly, not even genetic resequencing.

Subsequently he was released by accident once everyone forgot about him and provided sexual favours to the Captain of the Tellarite radioactive waste disposal ship A'K'ansas who agreed to allow him sleeping quarters in a nacelle and access to the rodents infesting the ship for food provided he didn't waste ships' power cooking them.

Sadly when the A'K'Ansas made her rendezvous with the D'Kless it transpired there was no longer a place for him as they had stolen a photon torpedo from a Federation ship whose SO had left the shields off in a Horta related debacle and given it his bunk. The torpedo was consulted, having developed sapience, but seemed content being pampered all day and fondled by the now homeless Samewell who had graciously agreed to sleep on the floor and be its' cuckold sissy slaveboi, a position Tower was in no way sufficiently qualified for making it the second time in a matter of weeks he had been outperformed by a man who was unable to get a lump of rock to consent to casual sex.

Undeterred, however, Carson Tower returned to the Tellarite vessel and gave the captain a gift of the 13 inch dildo he had stolen from Samewell and concealed in his anal cavity.

I applaud your effort, but this is lacking some of the poetry of prior installments. For canon Carson Tower look to Face and Sexbot.

#93 The Arena

Private Carson Tower of the Pakled Allince encounters a another human crewmember, Chief Petty Officer Yeshua Facemann, who is currently serving as a Starfleet Special Envoy to the Pakled Alliance. Private Tower has been familiar with Chief Petty Officer Yeshua Facemann for several years while they were both in Starfleet and has always had philosophical issues with him. Wanting to settle the score and establish his dominance among his fellow crewmembers, Tower picks a fight CPO Facemann in the mess hall where the rest of the enlisted crew can see them.

"You have always been jealous of me!", Tower said, challenging Facemann.

Facemann glanced up from his lunch tray and snickered to himself, almost imperceptibly. He continued to eat his meal.

"You are a liar, a loser and a Godless heathen!". Tower hurled his insults at Facemann hoping that they would provoke a response, yet one was still not evoked. The rest of the Pakled enlisted crew began to gather around the pair to stare at the scene. The pressure was on. The crew was watching. Something had to be done, so Tower splayed out the fingers of his right hand, drew his wrist back and slapped Facemann across the cheek with all the might at his body's command. Facemann looked up from his lunch and glared at Tower. It had worked. He had Facemann's attention. Fully committing to the fight Tower came at Facemann with a flurry of slaps upside his head. His energy spent, Tower raised his arms in triumph in an attempt to get the rest of the crew to cheer him on. Just then, Facemann pulled out a knife and stabbed Private Tower in the stomach and then continued to eat his lunch.

Tainted with the shame of defeat, Tower was dragged off to sickbay muttering "I got him to react! I won! I won!"

#94 - The Vengeance Factor

"We look for things. Things that make the bleeding stop", said the Pakled doctor as he talked with the WebMD specialist via subspace. Private Carson Tower's knife wound had proven too difficult for the D'kless medical staff to treat. Although they had eventually managed to stitch him up, the wound would not heal and would not stop oozing puss.

Injin McCletus held Private Carson Tower's hand as he lay on the hospital bed. "This could be it for me, my friend".

"No!", Injin screamed defiantly. "You're going to live, damn you. You're going to LIVE!".

"Avenge me. Avenge me", Carson whispered as the Pakled painkillers took effect and he drifted off into a drug induced stupor.

Injin McCletus roared to himself in silent anger. He vowed to destroy those who were ultimately responsible for Tower's fate: The crew of the U.S.S. Enterprise.

Injin logged on to his communications terminal and opened up a channel to the U.S.S. Enterprise. He was routed directly to the new Captain, who just happened to be Goldstein the Space Jew.

"For the last time, Tower is not welcome back on board. Not even as a sperm mopper for the X-rated holodeck", Captain Goldstein said.

"I've got something to say to you," Injin said threateningly. "Something that will shock and destroy you".

"Red alert! All hands to battle stations!", Goldstein commanded.

"With these words, I condemn thee to a hell of eternal torment and damnation".

Goldstein prepared for an assault of some sort.

"You're a poopy-head and your mother wears army boots", Injin said, letting loose his anger in one full burst.

"Cancel Red Alert", Goldstein ordered, closing off communications. "And for pity's sake, STOP taking calls from the Pakleds".

"He was so hurt, he had to cut off communications", Injin said to himself, pleased that he had avenged the honor of his dear friend.

#95 "It's A WonDERPful Life"

The Pakled doctor aboard the D'kless was out of his element. He barely knew enough about Pakeld anatomy to be considered a doctor. Human anatomy was a wholly different matter. Private Carson Tower's infection had spread from his stab wound and his fever had spiked. There seemed to be no hope as Tower's heart stopped.....

Carson Tower awoke in a vast void. In the distance before him was a shimmering figure. Was is God? Jesus? He hoped it wasn't Allah. As Tower reached his hand towards the figure to touch its face, the figure grabbed Tower's hand and came fully into view.

"Stop it, you silly goose!", the figure said with a playful laugh.

"Well, you're not God and you're not Jesus.", Tower said. "You look more like a flashy dressed Buddah".

"My name is Wladziu Valentino. I'm your guardian angel!"

"There's no such thing as guardian angels. There's only God, Jesus and The Holy Spirit".

"Yet, here we are, silly!"

"You must be a Q or a Trelane or a Traveler or something"

"I'm here to show you what your life would be like if you never joined Starfleet"

"Yeah, okay, I guess we'll have to do this", Tower said. Skeptical.

"And awayyyyy weeee goooooooo!"

*POOF*

We cut to the day that Carson Tower was going to fill out his application to Starfleet Academy. Wladziu and Tower watch unseen as young Tower instead decides to jerk off to gay midget porn. Satisfied with his release, young Tower walks out the door and is run over and killed by a runaway hover truck.

"Oh wow. That was anti-climactic.", Wladziu said.

Still stricken with fever, Private Carson Tower awakes to find himself in a Starfleet Medical facility being stared at by the Pakled Doctor and a Starfleet Medical officer. Tower looks down to find that he had jizzed his jumpsuit.

Trump in holographic Erin brunet impersonator. Dayton is a holographic Jadzia dax impersonator. Forbin is khan's father. spot a tribble.

#96 - Gay's Anatomy Part I

Unable to treat his rapidly spreading infection, the Pakleds have brought Private Carson Tower of the Pakled Alliance to a Starfleet Medical facility in the Princeton/Plainsboro sector. Renowned Starfleet Medical diagnostician, Dr. Maison and his team have decided to take case. There's no obvious reason why the infection should be so fast and so deadly. The symptoms fit a diagnosis of Space Lupus, but it's NEVER Space Lupus.

Maison's team searches Tower's bunk area aboard the D'kless for possible enviornmental causes. In his footlocker, they find gay porn, butt blugs, a 220 amp ass probe, a two gallon jar of vasceline and a Tribble covered in fecees.

"Private Carson Tower has been putting this Tribble up his ass on a regular basis", confirmed Diagnosis Bot-2763. "The E-Coli in those fecees have caused a secondary infection which worked in conjunction with the original".

"Let's get him on 20ccs of Space Penicillin", Dr. Maison ordered.

And, yet, Carson Tower's condition continued to worsen.

"Private Carson Tower's brain should be in danger of swelling beyond it's cranial capacity", noted Diagnosis Bot-3318, "But there are no indications of swelling at all".

Scanning him with his medical tricorder, Dr. Maison came to a shocking, but not unexpected conclusion: "Carson Tower has no brain!"