Is it “woke”? Is it covid? Or is it common curtesy

So, listening to the radio this morning - Brian, Ally, and Justin. And Ally tells something weird that happened to her over the weekend. She’s in the elevator in her apartment building and the elevator stops on a floor that’s not hers. Dude sticks his head in and asks if he can get on. And Ally, confused, just shrugs and says “Sure”.

I’ve done this in the last year and a half, if someone else is in the elevator because I don’t want them to feel like they need to get off and wait or if they’re ok to continue with me - in reference to covid.

But, the radio personalities took it another direction. Both men commented that when they get in an elevator with just a single woman, the woman gets “skittish” (don’t remember the exact words they used) and the younger of the two says he has done that because he doesn’t want to make her uncomfortable being in an enclosed space with a man they don’t know. The older guy was just like “I’m not going to start asking if I can get on the elevator. It’s an elevator.”

So, men, do you do this? Is it because of covid? Or because you’re being aware of her possibly being uncomfortable?

I cross the street rather than walk behind women at night because it could make them feel uncomfortable. I don't use elevators enough this has happened but yes - being in an enclosed space alone with a stranger is something that could be intimidating so I would avoid it.

And I've just recognised my own bias that it might make other men uncomfortable as well.

I avoid other people on the street and in elevators because I'm worried about what THEY will pull.
Gender makes no difference.
People are horrible, and I'm not chancing it.

I don’t cross the street, but when passing people going in the opposite direction - at work, at the grocery store, where ever, I turn my head as I pass. Probably doesn’t do any good, but … it feels weird to keep looking forward.

If there is only a woman in the elevator I just give them as much room as possible. My opinion is if you need an empty elevator to get to your floor then you go wait. I am all up for your space, and I am not going to stare at you, or try to talk to you, but I am not asking to get in unless the elevator is really full and the people look nervous. It is a con thing where the elevator seems to get wonky when it is packed full. That is the only time I ask if they mind if I squeeze in.

I used to walk around NYC trying to look people in the eyes. It is cool when you are tall and a man because you are not likely to piss someone off because you are intimidating. YMMV if you are not a tall man or even a tall man in a dress. It freaks people out when you lock eyes with them in NYC. If I do that in the south people normally greet me pleasantly rather than freaking out. I call it southern hospitality because I think that is a real component of making a person feel welcome and appreciated.

I've made a habit for years in how I share a street with women (especially travelling alone) after dark.

Nothing complex, just cross to the far side of the street and stay in sight.

I'm not going to try and figure out if someone is skittish or whatever... we already know women have enough bullshit to put up with, so why add to it?

Maybe it's Maybelline.

If the elevator comes, I'm getting on it unless it's full or someone on it is visibly ill.

The only preemptive avoidance I take is at night, in parking lots or on city streets. I'm a big guy, usually dressed in dark colors and I can understand how I can make some people leery, so if I see my path is going to intersect a lone woman, I'll cross or turn to avoid coming close to her.

I give people personal space, but no, I'm not going to ask permission to ride in a public elevator or share a public space. If they appear nervous I'll smile and nod and turn away, making sure they have enough room. But I'm not beholden to others for simply existing as a large man.

Self-preservation. If she is a stranger, avoid all interaction. Do not go near, do not say "Hi," "Bye," or "Fuck you." It's the only way to avoid being accused of something.

We take no interest in the affairs of others.

My level of comfort is the only thing I’m concerned with when going out in public. I have a hard enough time dealing with my anxiety much less anyone else’s.Did people all of the sudden forget how elevators work? If I’m waiting on an elevator, I’m getting on unless I’m uncomfortable with it, then I’ll wait for a less crowded one or take the stairs if I have to.

I'm pretty aloof myself in public. and I'd be like Ally "why are you asking me?" But, I have also heard women commenting that they are not comfortable around big muscular men. So, once again, I'm the oddball.

My rules for riding an elevator:
1. Don’t fart
2. Stare straight ahead or at your phone
3. Don’t look at anyone, unless you catch a glimpse of boobs or something like that.
4. Don’t talk to anyone unless you know them or they initiate conversation
5. Don’t stand near the buttons so that you avoid people asking you to press the button for them.
6. Pay attention to what floor you are on and what floor you want to go. You don’t want to be confined to this box any longer than you absolutely have to.
7. Try not to sneeze, but if you do, keep it confined to yourself.
8. If it’s crowded, take the next one.

I have one rule - wait until everyone offboards before onboarding.

In China, no one would ask permission, and they would find a way to bump into you, even if you're standing in the corner.

Maybe.

Almost certainly.

Daenerys Targaryen is a mass murdering bitch.

P.S. - "courtesy"

Somewhere there's an alternate timeline where Curt Cobain lived, and "Curtesy" is his solo album of acoustic guitar children's songs.
Chelsea Clinton is president, and gas is a nickel.
But internet is still dial-up for some reason.

That's not an alternate timeline, that's actually Hell.

If you're evil and you die, your soul gets sent to the horrifying world where Curt Cobain lived.

Ah. That explains the dial-up internet then.

Speaking of murderous bitches…

You say this as if you are expecting me to disagree.

He should have qualified it with, “and it wasn’t out of character for her to burn down King’s Landing.”

So you fart in elevators

There are trillions and trillions of instances of people interacting each day around the world and nothing happens

The world actually is a good place filled with good people (or filled with people minding their own business, take your pick). That's the reality

Yet because of the infinitely tiny chance something can happen, people get all fucked up over it

Lanz and UA agree with me, so maybe I should rethink things.

Not, as a rule, no.

If he had, I would have disagreed.

In the same sense that Ted Bundy murdering a 50 year old overweight man. He’s still a killer, but now the kill is out of character.