You go with whatever seems to be working in TV and make it a Star Trek reality show. It stars the Space Family Robertson, a family of Starfleet engineers and computer specialists who have made a fortune in gold pressed latinum for writing a duck call app for the tricorder. They're all good, decent, down to earth people and they all have better beards than Will Riker. The show follows them around from day to day and every now and then they bring out the phasers and photon grenades and have some fun blowing shit up.
In tonight's episode, the crew finds out Sulu is gay, and discusses whether they should tell Kirk. Meanwhile, Janice has a crisis over her hairstyle.
And later, Spock gets his ears pierced, and Uhura loses her temper and calls the bridge crew a bunch of crackers!!
I thought your idea for racial tension on the bridge would be a better hook for sweeps. But to pull it off just right, they need to promo it repeatedly before each commercial break.
Throw in McCoy with one of those "pointy eared hobgoblin" cracks and its a ratings buster! I'd put a black guy named Mewa on the show. Put him in a red shirt and sort of do the Kenny/South Park thing and kill him every week.
You'll be rich, but you won't get to spend the money because we leave you dead at the end of each episode and the season finale.
Now back to the show. There has to be a lesbian hookup. Uhura and Rand? Uhura and Chapel? Chapel and Rand? Three way? Nurse Chapel gets a piercing and wants to show it to Spock. I think we're seeing a season finale cliffhanger here.
I've got one. Kirk screws a woman without protection (as usual) and contracts an exotic disease causing him to become impotent, which is horrible. Dr. McCoy pats him on the cheek and asks if she was a screamer. Dr. Crusher makes a special appearance and treats his condition after taking a month to study Cialis and Viagra. She gives up, gets drunk, and ends up sleeping with Bones. Then she has an epiphany and calls up Dr. Toby Russell (the Worf spine dr lady) who tells her about a theoretical drug curing impotence which she never released because there's no money back on Earth anymore which would entice her to do so. Crusher synthesizes it and injects Kirk, collects payment for the cure and departs. Disregarding the timeline for ratings, two weeks later Ezri Dax shows up and gets pregnant. She blames immaculate conception. Uhura blames THE WHITE MAN! Scotty asks if she's ever tasted a white man and invites her to share a bottle of scotch with him. On her way to Scotty's quarters, Admiral Janeway beams in and tells her she needs to see Kirk right away because she's from the future, claiming to be Kirk's real mother and that Kirk is his own father. Season cliffhanger. Next season: Spock says she's insane. [cuts to Janeway being flushed out an airlock] [Ezri gives birth to "immaculate" baby Kirk]
Star Trek: Risa Shore Survivor: Vulcan Outback Leota Root Boss Pawn Stars: Ferengi Edition I can't figure out how to work in a "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" joke in here, sadly.
