Wordforge: The Wrath of T'Bonz, Conclusion

Cut to: The crew of the Wordforge going to battle stations. Rucker is loading his guns; Garamet is poisoning her pen; Elwood is vacumning his chair; Diacanu chowing down on Hot Pockets and watching a Xena tape; Lanzman taping D's picture to his console and considering that today was a bad day to quit drinking; and finally, a long, lingering shot of Summerteeth donning her special pair of "Bridget Jones 'Hello, Mummy' panties."

Cut To: Bridge
Elwood: Tactical!
Cassandra (turns on overhead projector, gets out pen): Okay...we're here. Reliant is lurking over there. (squeak of pen; people wince) T'Bonz has us outgunned, outpowered and probably outwitted. However...(starts making circles and cute arrows, John Madden-like) we have the Florida Nebula at three point three mark one. (Looks around) You're not following all this, are you?
Vandy: Sir...that area is prone to weird anomalies. Voting machines don't work, the dead are registered to vote and polls are useless.
Cassandra: Sauce for the schnitzel, Ms. Vandygoddess. It's a good place to fuck people over.

Cut To: Exterior shot of the Wordforge heading for the Florida Nebula, a dark area of flashing lightning, thick gray clouds and NASCAR signs.

Cut To: BBS Reliant's bridge
T'Bonz: There she is! There she is!
Neroon: Huh?
T'Bonz: The enemy. Pursue them! (settles back in chair) Not so badly run as we were led to believe. So much the better. (sips coffee, chews on bit of scenery)

Cut To: Wordforge Bridge
Cassandra: T'Bonz is in pursuit. And they're gaining. (Ship lurches) oh yeah, and they're also shooting at us.

Cut To: BBS Reliant's bridge
T'Bonz: Why are you slowing down?
Neroon: We don't dare follow them into the nebula. Our shields and my Ipod won't work in there.

Cut To: Wordforge Bridge
Cassandra: They're slowing down.
Elwood: Open a chat channel. (Lurker nods) T'Bonz, we tried it your way, are you up for a rematch? (grins evilly) T'Bonz...I'm going to spam that photo shoot when you were young and needed money.

Cut To: BBS Reliant's bridge
T'Bonz (enraged): Full speed ahead
Neroon: No! I want to see those pictures too!
T'Bonz: FULL SPEED AHEAD! (smacks Neroon aside, shoves the joystick forward)

Cut To: Wordforge Bridge
Elwood: Huh. I can't believe she fell for that, considering she never did that photo shoot.
Ancalagon (sticks head out from under console): Pardon me, sir, but that's...not entirely accurate.
Elwood: Which part?
Cassandra (theatrically): We are now entering the Florida Nebula...
(ship lurches, lights flicker)
Lanzman: Sir, the controls are sluggish.
The Lurker: Communications are full of static.
Diacanu: and Lanzman's getting larrrrrggerrr...(rubs Lanzman's belly before Lanzman smacks him away)

Cut To: BBS Reliant's bridge
(Ship lurches, lights flicker)
Neroon: Shields are out. Firewall is down. And for some reason Martha Stewart just won the "Sexiest Babe of Sci-Fi" poll. I'm reducing speed.
T'Bonz: (glares at viewscreen)

Cut To: View of Nebula. We see both ships manuevering in the dark, then see the Wordforge creep up behind the Reliant

Cut To: Wordforge Bridge
Order2Chaos: Cheat codes enabled, but I can't get a lock.
Elwood: Best guess, fire when ready.
Baba (enters Bridge): Baba like space battles
Order2Chaos (distracted by Baba, presses firing button)

Cut to: View of Nebula. Wordforge fires! Hits Reliant! Reliant spins off into space, drifting helplessly.

Cut To: Wordforge Bridge
Order2Chaos: Whoa....er...yeah, I meant to do that.
Baba: Baba give rep for good shooting. Baba wants to shoot at enemy.

Cut To: BBS Reliant's bridge, full of smoke and sparks and sprawled bodies.
T'Bonz (throws of bits of debris, crawls over to Neroon): Neroon!
Neroon (coughs): I...I...
T'Bonz: Yes, I will avenge you.
Neroon: I...I always thought you were a wanker. (dies)
T'Bonz (turns to glare at viewscreen): Ooohh....NOW I'm pissed...

Cut To: Wordforge Bridge
Cassandra: Sir...I'm reading some new code from the Reliant . I've never seen it before.
Baba: GeneBS bomb go boom.
Elwood: What?
Baba: Baba give rep if you leave vicinity fast.
Elwood: We'll beam aboard, stop it...
Baba: Baba build short fuse. Baba didn't get rep.
Elwood: Engineering! Nick! Can you get us broadband speed?
Nick: cough...wheeze...sir, we've had a bit of an accident...Tasvir and those damned...cough...refried beans...sorry...
Cassandra: ( , then , then gets up and leaves)
Elwood: Fuck! Lanzman, get us out of here! Best possible speed!
Lanzman: Pedal to the metal, commander!

Cut To: BBS Reliant's bridge
T'Bonz (yep, still glaring at screen): No...you can't get away...from Trollkingdom's heart, I stab at thee...for the sake of PMS, I spit...my last...bit of scenery...at thee...(does just that, takes sip of coffee, then collapses)

Cut To: Wordforge Bridge
Elwood: How we doing, Lanzman?
Lansman: I am a leaf in the wind...
Diacanu: DON'T SAY THAT!
Elwood: How long do we have?
Baba: Baba doesn't know. Give me rep for ignorance?

Cut To: Engineering. Cassandra arrives as Rucker is trying to wake up Nick. Cassandra puts on air mask and starts walking toward engine chamber, but Rucker stops her.
Rucker: Are you nuts? No Euroweenie can stand the smell that's in there.
Cassandra (looks at chamber, considers): Maybe, just once, you are possibly right. How is Nick?
Rucker: Well he got a whiff of it, but...
(Cassandra grabs Rucker and kisses him)
Rucker (looks amazed for a minute, then starts to sway, says to himself Oh, you stupid sonofa...(falls down with a thud)
Cassandra: Gotcha. (bends down, sticks wet finger in Rucker's ear) Warwanker. (stands up, puts on mask, walks into engine chamber)
Nick (gets up, sees Cassandra, eyes widen in horror): Cassie! No! (starts pounding on door)
Rucker (gets up, sways dizzily): Hoo? Angels? Furry candy canes!

Cut to: Wordforge bridge
Lanzman: So this is it, we're going to die.
Diacanu: Can someone PLEASE be a little more optomistic????
Vandy: We're not going to die. We're just going to come back as duals with our reps reset.
Diacanu: Right. LIKE THAT'S NOT WORSE?
Lanzman(stares at console): Sir! We've got broadband capability!
Elwood: By Nathan Bedford Forrest! Wonderful! Full speed outta here, Lanzie!
Lanzman: Lanzie? (scowls, but hits the FAST button)

Cut to: Exterior. We see the Wordforge accelerate to become a streak of light, as huge but pretty explosion fills the screen.

Cut To: Wordforge Bridge
Diacanu: Wow, man...(stares at viewscreen, lights up joint)
Elwood: Pretty impressive. Cassie, how about we...(notices Cassandra is gone)...er, did anyone see where Cassie went?
TheLurker: Wasn't my turn to watch her.
Baba: Cassie get rep for saving ship.
Rucker (intercom): Elwood...you might want to get down to Engineering...I wouldn't stop and get a coffee on the way either.
Elwood (looks grim): Damn, and I needed that coffee...

Cut To: Engineering. Elwood comes in, sees everyone standing around engine chamber. Elwood realizes what's happened, rushed for chamber door, is stopped by Nick.
Nick: Stop! You'll smell up the whole compartment!
Rucker: Actually, it smells pretty bad already.
Nick: Shut the fuck up...!
Rucker: Make me, puss-face...
Elwood: Belay that! (turns, looks into engine compartment) Cassie?
Cassandra (looks up. We see her skin is dissolving and other horrible effects of the combination of Tasvir and refried beans...but her face, though melting, is serene) Looks like I had to save the board again, Elwood.
Elwood: Yeah...but God, the cost...
Cassandra: It's allright. Really. (coughs) I'm just glad that I won't have to listen to Mewa and Maud'Dib again...melting to death is a small price to pay, don't you think? (slaps bloody hand against glass. Everyone jumps back.) I have been...and always shall be...a European. (starts to slump, dissolving) what a world...what a world...

Cut To: Permaban Torpedo bay. We see a small mayonaise jar being lowered into torpedo cradle.
Elwood: We are gathered here today to pay our respects to our honored comrade...
Rucker: (cough) bullshit...
Elwood: One who gave her life to save our accounts and our reputation...
(glares at Rucker, who rolls eyes but stays quiet)...most of us don't think that was an empty sacrifice, and we've learned some things from it (glares at Tasvir, who looks embarrassed). Of Cassandra, I can only say this...of all the duals I've met in cyberspace, hers was the most...er...clever.
Lanzman: Honors!
Crew: (comes to attention. Diacanu starts playing "My Heart Will Go On" on his harmonica.

Cut to: Exterior. We see torpedo bay make "Ptui!" sound and mayonnaise jar goes zooming off into space.

Cut to: Exterior shot, Wordforge sailing away from GeneBS planet, with voiceover from Elwood: Captain's log, stardat 61005.1. We're returning to base, but I can't help but think that maybe a sequel is coming on.

Cut To: Bridge. Everyone is watching GeneBS recede on the screen.
Rucker: She'll never really be gone, you know. I don't trust her to stay dead.
Elwood: It's a far, far better thing than I have ever done before. A far better place than I have ever known.
PBM: That's a nice thought, Elwood.
Elwood: Eh, I just read it in this here book. But yeah, it's kind of a captainly thing to say right now.
Baba: Baba give rep to daddy.
Elwood: Don't call me that.
Baba: Chat with Baba, daddy...
Elwood: Seriously. Stop calling me that.
Baba: Baba want hugs, daddy...
Elwood: are we there yet???

Cut To: Vast, empty cyberspace
Cassandra: These are the postings of the BBS Wordforge. Her continuing mission...to torment users and to entertain strange, new posters...to boldly troll...where no one...has trolled...before....and what the FUCK was Tasvir thinking?????

The END (?)

This whole thing has been genius. Genius, I tells ya!

^I concur! :rofl3:

Too bad he get's bumped off in the next one....

So, the next installment is Wordforge III: The Search for Ass... I mean, Cass?

I thought it was supposed to be The Search for Bock?

Great stuff.

Careful! Last guy to suggest that ended up dead!

He said from beyond the grave...

This is killing me. Pure gold, man. Pure gold.

Laugh it up, preacher.

You're playin' Gorkon in The Undiscovered Forum...

^^
I may come in quicker than you think....

LOL.

This bring us to the part of the show we like to call 'The Redneck Dictionary".

Cut to family living room with two drunk guys.

Jim Bob! Stop! European all over Ethel's rug!

The Search for Dayton3