The "Save the Ted" Fund.

It's obvious that our dear friend Ted is now afflicted with a degenerative mental disease.

Not only has he lost his hearty zest for rape, his mental abilities seem to be diminishing as well, resulting in posts that are progressively more inane and retarded.

Other symptoms include, but are not limited to: Frequent use of ellipses in place of something that would require thought, posts that only contain one word, and excessive use of the "rolleyes" smiley.

Now, it is my proposal that we immediately start a fund to get our pal the professional help that he so desperately needs.

Start making a difference in the life of a person in need today!

I'll kick in five bucks (Canadian!) and a pound of butter.

We need a celebrity spokesperson for this cause. It doesn't have to be anyone famous. What's Sally Struthers doing these days? She'd be about perfect.

I was thinking more Roman Polanski.

^

Marry me.










Shit. Now I've gone and gotten all creepy too, haven't I?

You're not creepy if you've actually had sex with a real girl in the past decade....


Oh.


Well yeah, creepy it is then.

If you're gonna do it right, you need to set up the Paypal account.

I pledge 5 golden tuques, 4 pounds of back bacon, three french toasts, two turtlenecks and a beer... in a tree.

I can see it now. Patty Duke is the worried mother, Kelli Martin is her daughter being stalked by Ted.

Coming soon to the Lifetime network.

Okay, what did he do to draw the salvo this time?

I don't understand the question. What do you mean by "this time"?

Indeed.



(one of Ted's more popular responses)

He finally figured out that the shorter he makes his posts, the less retarded he appears to be.

Still needs to be a bit shorter though if you ask me.

Definitely encroaching into "Ted Wolf" territory IMHO.

Just another episode of the internet's favorite pastime:

"Look, look! Someone else I'm better than!!!"

No kidding.

The funny part is that is isn't him that looks like a retarded ass in these valentine threads.

For me, it was the whining.

"quit using my real name!"

"stop criticizing my needlessly long posts?"

"shame on you people not taking threads about dead strangers seriously!"

And he doesn't seem to have a sense of fun about it, which makes doing it even more enjoyable.

I'd also add that, at one time or another, everyone takes abuse for their various foibles. It's just the way of things. There's no hate behind it.




Except for BearTM. Fuckin' hate that guy.

[action=BearTM]checks his Outlook calendar and notes that 14thDoctor's turn in the abuse barrel starts on December 9th.[/action]

I'm sure Ted is PM'ing Tamar this very moment, trying to get his real name replaced with Sherlock Holmes or Jabba the Hutt.

If I wanted to be arsed to bother, I could run down the active member list and name you dozens of people who have nver had their own personal bashing thread.


And a lot of those folks are the first ones to flock to the ridicule of someone else.

Note: I don't mean the good natured ripping done among friends, I mean full on troll thread.

Of course, such things are based on merit.

Merit?

Sometimes. Mostly it depends on the PMS of the thread starter.

And yes, that does include my own installments of troll-the-poster.

Ted isn't unique. I'd treat any creepy stalker fellow exactly the same way.

You know more than one?

"I'd" is a contraction for "I would", thus implying that no, I don't.


And thus concludes our five-minute grammar lesson.

Are you familiar with "I'da" ?

Let's ask Talkuahano for a list.

Hey now.

Leave Storm out of this. He isn't here to defend himself.