Indiana Jones: KOTCS = WTF????

So I finally got around to renting the new Indiana Jones flick having missed it in the theater. I've heard all the complaints from critics and fanbois alike, but I figured that it's Spielberg and Ford, so how bad could it be?






OH.......MY.......GGOOOODDDD! That was without a doubt the biggest steaming pile of shit I've seen in the past five years. It was beyond horrible. I couldn't believe that I was actually watching a Steven Spielberg movie. All I could think while watching it was "What the fuck happened?"

First of all, Harrison Ford was a total embarrassment. Not only did he not even try to act, his age was so painfully obvious that it was like he was moving underwater. The fight scenes were a joke since he could barely move, and I don't know what character he thought he was playing but that was NOT Indiana Jones. It was like a really bad parody.

Then there's Spielberg.....Steven, Steven, Steven, what the hell happened to you? Did you hate working for Lucas so much that you rushed filming this turd to get away from it as quickly as possible? Did you know at the time that you were making the worst film of your entire career?

The only shining stars in this festering cesspool of celluloid are British actors Cate Blanchette (doing what she can with such a one-dimensional role), Ray Winstone ("I am Beowulf!") and the great John Hurt. While it was nice to see Marion again, the nostalgia wore off the second she opened her mouth and it quickly became apparent that the reason she's no longer in movies is she's forgotten how to fucking act!!! Of course that puts her right up there with Ford who's so bad these days he couldn't act his way out of a wet paperbag armed with a machete and a flame thrower.

And finally, there's George "Squeal like a pig, boy" Lucas. FUCK YOU you miserable, artistically bankrupt fat old fart!!! FUCK YOU GEORGE LUCAS!!!! Stop making movies you fucking hack, you suck and everything you touch turns to shit!!!

FUCK YOU GEORGE LUCAS!!!!
FUCK YOU GEORGE LUCAS!!!!
FUCK YOU GEORGE LUCAS!!!!
FUCK YOU GEORGE LUCAS!!!!
FUCK YOU GEORGE LUCAS!!!!
FUCK YOU GEORGE LUCAS!!!!
FUCK YOU GEORGE LUCAS!!!!
FUCK YOU GEORGE LUCAS!!!!
FUCK YOU GEORGE LUCAS!!!!

The South Park guys got it right, Lucas and Spielberg have raped our childhood memories of Indiana Jones. Here's hoping that they never make another one!

I liked it. It was fun.

Well, it wasn't quite that bad but certainly a major letdown IMO.

It wasn't that bad but "nuke the fridge" has become the film version of "jumping the shark".

I hope they make more.

She's not British, she's an Aussie.

I agree that this movie was utterly crap. What a horrific way for Indy to bow out.

It was better than TEMPLE...

... yea, that doesn't say much. But overall, I liked it. Except for the stupid end with the aliens. Geez

I'm still trying to figure out why the alien at the end gave an evil look of hatred at Cate and then disassembled her.

I understand the Ark of the Covenent being used, presumeably, by God himself to destroying Nazi hordes who wanted to use it to conquer the world and murder millions.

I understand God and/or Jesus wanting to destroy those who would abuse the Holy Grail for the same evil ends.

Indy himself killed Mola Ram, using ancient magicks.

But why would a supposedly benevolent alien look upon this young woman who is only saying "I want knowledge" lear menacingly at her and shred her?

Boredom? Because he can?

It's just a movie.

I really enjoyed KOTCS. It's my favorite Indy movie so far and I hope they make more. I've never been one to look at the box office results of a film to decide if it's good or not, but if I did, this one would be a great film having brought in over $315M. A few things about it were over the top, but this was the same in all the other Indy movies I've seen too.

It's amazing how people let nostalgia influence their views... and fuck those nerds from South Park.

I've re-watched the other movies recently.... and this was pretty terrible in comparison.

It is more watchable than Episode I. And it could have been a good movie, but the dialogue was really awkward in spots and the alien/spaceship thing at the end was over the top.

A more subtle ending would have been nice.

Also, the dialogue with the Mack character and the old dean guy were really forced. I think we were meant to care about their fates before we knew anything about them.

It did feel like a long joke most of the time but it was still kind of entertaining in some spots.

The middle section, where they were hunting for clues, wasn't too bad.

A more subtle ending?

Like what, Nazis being swept up in a holy fire tornado while ghosts swirl about them? Or Nazis being dumped into a yawning crevasse as the mountain crumbles around them?

It wasn't that bad.

Because she was greedy. She didn't say "I want to learn about your kind, their history, and their visits to Earth". She didn't say "I want to learn about your advanced {insert area of expertise here}". She said "I want it all...I want to know it all' (or some statement of similar nature). So the alien gave it to her, and her mind couldn't handle it and she disintegrated or something.

Or something.

Can't compare to the first and third installments.

The second one was a

So to recap:

If you had a film franchise 75 years ago, it is generally a bad idea to dig it up, hose it down, and feed it to people again--whether you're using a new cast, the original star, or especially if your name is Sylvester.

Lucas is already talking about doing another one with a larger role for Mutt. The one after that will have a smaller role for Indy, with any future ones being Mutt-centric. Clearly, Lucas needs to be killed.

I'd chalk it up to justified smugness/arrogance.

"You think you can handle my knowledge? Well, here ya go. Let's see how fast your head explodes."

But Sylvester did well... IMHO, anyway.

A few things? How about everything. The fridge, the monkeys, the ants, the waterfalls, the tree on the side of the cliff that drops them ever so gently into the water, high speed fencing while doing the splits . . . this whole movie was an escalation in ridiculousness. However, I could have forgiven a lot of it if it had only looked good. Unfortunately the special effects were apparently done by a toddler.

I enjoyed it. It's no Raiders, but then what the fuck is? It's certainly better than Temple of Doom, not by much but even I enjoy Temple every now and again.

I never understood getting so emotionally involved in a movie franchise that you feel "raped" after having watched it. Just sit back with some popcorn and your drug of choice and enjoy it or enjoy making fun of it.

O RLY? Did you hear that they're replacing Chris Nolan with Joel Shumacher for the next Batman film?

Because....she was ugly.

Lucas is a genius, he's just misunderstood.

That scene in ep. 2 with Anakin and Padme on the balcony in Naboo was one of the single most hilarious moments in all of cinema. Mel Brooks could learn a thing or two from Lucas.

Laugh now, but mark my words, if Lucas isn't stopped, they'll be yet another bizarre reworking of Star Wars because technology will "finally have advanced to the point where I can complete my vision the way I originally intended it."

I agree. I really enjoyed both Rocky Balboa AND Rambo. Each was what I consider the TRUE sequel to the originals.

Nah, it was because she was a commie.