Oh, man, I hate that shit. Cyclists who barrel down the sidewalk just as fast as they possibly can. Those assholes do that around here constantly, and we have fuckin' bike lanes. Although that leads to a fun anecdote. One summer in my late teens I was in Cody, Wyoming, walking down a sidewalk that followed a two-lane road down a steep hill, with a waist-high concrete barrier between the road and the sidewalk. As I was walking, a bee started buzzing me pretty close, so I flung my arm out to the side to try to scare it off -- -- and a cyclist who had apparently been hauling ass down the hill on the sidewalk connected with my outflung forearm for a picture-perfect clothesline.
People who lecture about not using a phone while driving, then call you whenever you're running a couple minutes late and are most likely to be stuck in traffic.
Okay, speaking of biking, this is something I've encountered on both coasts...pedestrians who waddle along in the bike paths along the boardwalk. There's a clearly-marked bike path. There's a clearly-marked pedestrian path. Virtually anyone I've seen using anything with wheels - bikes, skates, boogie boards, scooters - stays out of the pedestrian path. Then why do whole tribes of pedestrians (it's never just one or two people, but whole extended families at least six across) decide it's okay to sprawl across the width of the bike path and Walk. Really. Slowly, yakking and eating and freaking out if you try to go around them? It's like steering around a pod of walruses...
And grocery stores, and... yeah, pretty much any place there's a narrow corridor, they'll fill it up and turn to molasses.
And, speaking of grocery stores...boneheads who stand in front of the freezer with the door open deciding what they want. It's glass, idiot! You can see everything without opening the door! Pick what you want, then open the door and grab it. Don't leave the friggin' door open for five minutes so it's all fogged up for the rest of the afternoon!
How about the (admittedly more rare) variety of asshole who buys those "scratcher" lottery tickets and proceeds to play them at the goddamn counter? Fucker buys a ticket, plays it, buys another ticket, plays it, buys another ticket, and so on, and so on... Rare but tremendously irritating.
People who buy shit with a loan and them complain about their bills. People who buy a vehicle designed to give shitty gas mileage complaining about the price of gas.
Plastic or metal foil bags that tear all the fucking way down the side of the bag lengthwise spilling their contents like a seppuku victim. And the icing on the cake is when you try to roll the bag back up, it's the kind of material that won't stay put, and unravels! IF I WERE PRESIDENT/KING every fucking food bag (be it potato chips, fruit, cereal, etc) would be zip-lock.
oldfella's post reminded me of another pet peeve. People who check their phones and text when they're on the stationary weight machines at the gym, while I'm waiting for my turn! Yeah okay, take a minute to let your heart rate stabilize between sets, but for godssake, have some awareness of the people around you, gym-morons—Who shall heretofore be known as, gymorons!!!
How about the sealed plastic packaging that things like earbuds come in? You know the stuff -- you need a chainsaw and the jaws of life to get the fuckin' things open, and god help you if all you've got is a knife, because whatever that shit is made of is not only so tough that your best bet is to stab through it just to open a hole wide enough to get your fingers into, when you do manage that and try to pry the shit off, you have to have nerves of steel and gloves on if you don't want to get cut by it.
..the Boston Bruins...... Anderson Cooper.. Justin Bieber... most American Idols.... Jane Fonda.. Letterman... Leno... the big fat leftist film maker... Ashley Judd ( but I'd hit it)... any Kardashian.. Andrew Cuomo.. all NBA teams... synchronized swimming... World Series of Poker players who have to wear dark glasses or some goofy hats... anyone who bad mouths the Beatles, Led Zeppelin, The Who, The Doors, Eric Burden.. or Lulu... ?... "Dumb and Dumber"... anything on the Hallmark channel.. Father Guido Sarduchi... Will Farrel.. A-Rod.. Lance... alimony.... Tom Brady... cock-a-poos... brussel sprouts... Obama phones.. Greg Lougainnis.. Cowboys and Aliens... any movie that includes zombies, vampires or teenage angst super powers... John Wayne is still dead... freezing rain... 4-wheelers... rank horses... litterbugs.. loud drunks.. Weight Watchers... near beer... the country on the other side of the St Lawrence Seaway... the second Darrel... the loud mouthed right wing broad Anne Coulter(who I would also hit).... V-Twins that pretend to be Harley's.. N.E. Patriots... coumadin.... any person who mocks the military and doesn't realize they can do it because of the people they mock... people who mock people who believe and pretend to be oh so enlightened... No-Dickey... Cassandra/Aurora.. I live in ( fill in any exotic locale) so I am cooler and more worldly then you... people who mock those of us who responsibly own and use weapons... smoke from oil burning cars and trucks... people who tell me how wrong I was because I went when I was drafted.. the fact there is no more draft.. I take home less money per week since the second swearing in of the anti-patriot commander in chief... my 36 inch waist jeans are in the drawer and my 38's might be getting tighter... damn horse knocked his water bucket over again... love the snow.. hate the mud.. Bond movies starring Roger Moore.. bad pretend skiing scenes in movies... Donald Trump treated as he knows anything or being any kind of celeb.. his hair.. anyone who mocks the Olympics.. any volleyball that isn't women's Beach Volleyball... measured pours... having to use a condom... silicone in tits... cock-teasers... rude children... anyone who tells me "We don't celebrate Christmas" when I wish them Merry Christmas.. maybe I should say.. "Have a good shit" cause we all do that... I cum, but less then I used too.. people who mock older people as if they aren't going to die as well... people who mistreat animals.. people who think hunting is mistreating animals... my truck is always messy... if we get freezing rain tonight the skiing will suffer... Tiger Woods with Lindsey Vonn... assholes... the fact that I like a lot of Adelle's songs.. i used to do cocaine.. and smoke dope.. and drop acid... now it is all prescription drugs... hearing helicopters... losing a good hit on your fly rod.. water going over your waders.. high winds in a kayak... people who mock disco and don't know what incredible sex was available then... knocking the "Baby Boomers" just because... aluminum bats... bad hair days!
Hey! Are you talking about me, there? I'm just so sick of everyone always insulting me!!! They're always in there with the snide comments, making out that everything is my fault! It's not "looking for a reason to be offended" when you really have been insulted! Why is there no love?
Flashback to a couple of decades past with trying to get a cassette tape out the hurricane proof plastic shoplifting proof packaging. And what's the deal with CD's? You finally peel that thin layer of plastic from around the case, but there's that one really thick piece along the side that holds the two halves of the case together. The food/drink cart on an airliner! I think the cue to start rolling them is whenever I stretch my feet out into the aisle. If I ran the show you'd get an MRE when you entered and a small public school sized carton of milk. BYOB of course. And a bucket to piss in too.
Ok, that reminds me of another thing that annoys me: People who stretch their feet out into the aisles on airplanes. The aisles are for moving about, and they're tiny enough as it is. Yes, you're cramped up like everyone else, but why not think about others instead of taking up space that is supposed to be for everyone, just for your own comfort?
My favorite is those who wait until all three of their shopping carts have been rang up before writing out their checks. For one, who the hell still uses checks? A debit card is quicker and you'll have an instant balance to check online. For two....really?
People who use the phrase "begs the question" when they should have said "raises the question". "Begging the question" is a fallacy in which the conclusion is just a restatement of the premise, or the answer is just a restatement of the question. For example: "Q: Why were you late?" "A: I was late because I didn't get to work on time".
Prospective clients who call me up and, at some point in discussing the project, ask me what I charge. If you read far enough down the ad to find my phone number, you saw the list of services and prices.
Newspeople who use the term "tank" for ANY armored fighting vehicle of any kind. And newspeople who use the term "battleship" for ANY naval vessel of any kind regardless of size. I remember some idiot referring on network news to some gunboat (that probably didn't mass more than 500 tons) as an "Israeli battleship".
Anyone who uses antonyms as adjectives. Marketing gnomes and old people are the worst about this. "It's just three feet thin!" "She's 94 years young!" I don't know if that's supposed to be clever; it isn't clever. It feels like being lied to with a wink and a nudge, like you're supposed to be a willing participant in their attempt to deceive you. "
