A challenge to all the JJ Trek haters

Go write a porno, Hemmingway.

Oh, sorry, is it? Are you demanding good storytelling from Abrams, now? Because throughout the rest of this discussion, you didn't give a shit. So you are you finally changing your mind on that?

Chop chop!

iow, no. You don't expect good storytelling from Abrams. You could just say so and save yourself keystrokes.

Yadda, yadda, yams.

Tell you what, Dickface, write Skin a good story set entirely in the Abramsmutatefuckshitpissverse.

The claim was put forward that he was some kind of a super genius, though he never really showed much evidence of this. Showing something like I suggested would have gone toward actually showing that.

Which is based on actual film analysis. You can keep chasing your own tail with this, but that's what it comes down to.

I love all this insane grousing from skin about Star Trek 2009 and how terrible the story is.

As if many of us wasn't subjected to his writings back in the day and pretty much hated it en masse.

The author of Dangerous Fun in the House of The Scorpion thinks the story sucks. Well, that should really sway the people from their enjoyment of it.

...

Um... yeah.

That would make sense if I knew what the fuck a Miranda and Nebula class were.

I know the Enterprise is supposed to be a Constitution class, but that's about it. See, I was too busy having a life to study Star Trek technical manuals and to make websites devoted to someone else's television show.

After making that last post, it's becoming pretty clear to me where the divide is among Star Trek fans on the 2009 film.

People who enjoyed the film -- despite its flaws -- probably consider themselves Star Trek fans but merely enjoyed Trek for what it was: an interesting and entertaining sci-fi television series.

People who hate the film -- and must convert everyone else into haters -- also consider themselves Star Trek fans. But to them, Trek was more than a television series. It was a way of life. They have invested a significant chunk of their lives in the show and anything that does not fit their perception of "the way things should be" is heresy. In many ways, their passion for the show borders on obsession.

I've actually been to a Star Trek convention. Once. It was many years ago when I was a journalist and I only went because I had an interview scheduled with James Doohan. I have to be honest, most of the people attending the convention scared the living shit out of me. I'm sure a team of psychologists would have had a heyday there.

I've heard of a couple of creepy stories about conventions.

1) Back in '87 or '88, Jonathan Frakes made a passing mention about Wesley Crusher, and fans started chanting "Kill the Boy!"

2)I heard this one from Mallory on TBBS--again JF was on stage, and there was a fan there wearing a kilt. Apparently he was known for wearing his kilt everywhere. Anyway, when Q and A came around, he raises his hand and asks, in all seriousness, "When will be be seeing more kilts in Star Trek?"

Mallory said the room got quiet for two seconds before the entire audience started cracking up. No one saw the guy around the con after that.

3) Probably not to surprising giving the fandom's stupidity on this issue, but Connor Trinneer once got asked if he loved Jolene Blalock more than his wife.

That said, I'd like to meet Nana Visitor and Scott Bakula, who's doing more convention stuff now that his children are older.

Hey, if you want to take that tack with it, that's cool -- but it only reinforces Skin's point. See, as an acknowledged authority on 'suck', Skin is eminently qualified to state that Star Trek (2009) sucks -- and you should listen because, according to you, Skin knows suck.

Waitaminnit, now.

Yams?! Where-how-why did you go and pull yams into this? What'd yams ever do to you?!

Did yams... touch you, Dickface? Show us on the doll where the yams touched you.

(We open on the Narada vs. Kelvin scene in JJ Abrams "Star Trek", film)

(Cut to. The explosions in engineering scene)

Lt. John Castle- *Gets blasted with radioactive steam* AAAUUAARRGHH!!!!!

(Castle is placed on a stretcher, and raced to the escape pods)

(Cut to the Kelvin crashing into the Narada, the escape pods escaping, the opening Star Trek theme, and giant metallic delta logo)

(Caption- "Two weeks later")

(External shot, Henry Archer memorial hospital)

Doctor Pretorius- I'll put it to you straight, you were exposed to a LOT of radiation...the prognosis isn't good..it's...well...terminal.

John Castle- I'll prove you wrong, Doc, I'm gonna walk out of this hospital, you''ll see! *coughs up blood into a hanky*

Doctor Pretorius- Yeah...anyway, we can try to make you comfortable...but...well, toward the end, your cells will be popping like rootbeer bubbles, and your tissues will be turning into chicken soup. We have this new experimental thing that's Oxycontin meets crack....and...we think even that's not going to touch what you'll be feeling....

John Castle- What are you saying, Doc?

Doctor Pretorius- Well...if it were me...I wouldn't want to go out that way...
*Hands Castle a hypospray of some unnamed EZ-death* ...think it over.

John Castle- *Stares at it contemplatively, eyes water, shoves it under his pillow, and then weeps into it*

(Caption- "One Week later")

John Castle- *Covered in tumors, and indescribable dribbling pus. One eye has gone milky white* ...I'm...I'm ready, Doc.

(A team of doctors pushes Castle down the hallway as a soft musac version of Diana Ross's "do you know where you're going to?", rises into the main soundtrack)

(They reach the end of the hall, and open a door, and push Castle into a room that's revealed to be the dying room from "Soylent Green")

Doctor Pretorius- *Applies the hypo to Castle's neck* *Pats his head lovingly* *Eyes water, pauses, darts out of the room*

("Do you know where you're going to?", rises up into the full vocal version as the montage reel of nature scenes plays for Castle. This scene drags on long enough for the theater audience to philosophically contemplate their own morbid, meaningless, wasted lives)

(Cut to- Castle has died, the sheet is pulled up over his head, his body is wheeled to something resembling a laundry chute, and tilted up into it. We see his body go down a long metal slide, and land in a vat of other bodies)

(Cut to- A conveyor belt, small green wafers roll out on it)

(Cut to- A street market in Mexico. Fat grandmothers, and swarthy sweaty children playing with "ball in a cup", purchase oranges, fireworks, Chiclets, and the green wafers)

(Cut to- A Mexican kitchen. The green wafers are boiled into mush, and used as a taco filling)

El Flatulato- FLATULAAAAATOOOOOO!!!!!! *BROOOOOMPTTT!!!* *BRAAUUMMPPTT!!!* KROOHHHMMPPP!!!!*


(Cut to- Spock's narration, the classic Alexander Courage Star Trek theme, zooming planets)

THE END.

The Reliant in Wrath of Khan was a Miranda class, though the design wasn't called that until later in TNG.

The Nebula was of a similar layout, only using Enterprise-D parts, seen in several TNG and DS9 episodes.

A lot of my thing is due to being an avid model builder, so I've had to make a study of the ships in as minute detail as I can find, in order to build the models as accurately as possible. Also enjoying kitbashing, I like to think I know when I've come up with a decent-looking design and when I've come up with a turkey. The JJPrize is a collection of bad design judgement blended into a giant stinker.

Is this shit still going on???

14 pages and counting, baby!

Come oooooon 500 posts!!

Tanks!

Y'all should see the newsletters from Polar Lights models on the their upcoming 32" TOS Enterprise model! Volume 7 just came out. Gary Kerr, the designer, has the 11-foot shooting miniature dissected to the molecular level. Each newsletter is filled with insane trivia in it, and the new model should be the most insanely precise reproduction imaginable.

Yeah, that still sucked. See? Can't be done.

I'll take Chuck's word over yours.

No offense to anyone else who repped it, but..y'know, Chuck is Christlike.

I'm starting to suspect JJ Abrams is Jewish.

Oh, and another conservative who thought it was a fine movie. Not a masterpiece, but better than half the ones to date and most of the TV series to boot.

Comments like this I never understand. You're all white people to me. Where's the love?

Well, duh! I thought everybody knew JJ stands for Jew Jew.

Don't you know anything about white people?

Is JJ Abrams from Hymietown?

You'd never hear a black guy say...."I'm starting to suspect that guys a Catholic."...concerning another black guy.

No. But I am.