Being friends with a married woman: Can it be done?

"I don't know whare that thing's been!"

OK...I've read the entire thread and as a 14 year mariage vet, I say back off. I've been in your shoes, Chewie, and I've been in hers... However it goes, it's not going to be good for you. The bottomline is that you find her attractive. Both physically and on a nerd level.... You probably have more things in common with her than she does with her husband... or you may think so. If not, then you should not mind getting to know him too. If you're not intrested in becoming freinds with him, back off.

A marriage is bound to have problems. It's not bad, it's not good, it's just the way things are in a marriage. When she needs to talk to someone about her problems, YOU DON'T WANT HER TO COME TO YOU. I repeat because it's important, YOU DON'T WANT HER TO COME TO YOU. If she does, you need to establish a boundary right away. If you have to go through all that, then what's the point?

My cousin and my girlfriend have actually become pretty good friends lately. We've hung out as a trio and they've spent time together just the two of them. I trust them both completely.

As for me, I had a close female friend who was always in a relationship of one sort or another. I was attracted to her and she always came to me to vent about what horrible thing her man of the moment had done.

It got old after a while, and now that I'm in a relationship, we don't talk much anymore.

I was never foolish enough to make that promise.

And I'm glad I didn't.

I have several female friends/coworkers who I consider among my "best" friends. My wife isn't jealous of them and, AFAIK, their husbands aren't jealous of me.

If I were single, though, they might feel differently about it (or if my friends were single, my wife would probably feel differently about it ).


I will say that I've been in Chewie's position and ultimately ended up dating the girl after she and her husband broke up (though I'm positive that I wasn't the cause of their split).

Wasn't a big deal to me because I'm not concerned with what other people think of me.

If this is a church-related situation, though, you should probably back off.

Personally I wouldn't do it, partly because its bad practice, and more importantly because I am a bad man, and there is a very real possibiliy that no matter how good my intentions were at the outset, I would eventually want to shag her. And then since im a charming bad bastard, fuck knows what may happen!

Just be friends with her on a more distant level, say hi and a quick chat when you bump into her etc, but don't go hanging out with her, talking to her for hours on the phone etc.

He fell for it!

So Chewie.. been a month.

Any updates regarding your friendship with this lady?

All of WF is sitting anxiously!

He nailed her.

Wow, I missed that. Should we just change his username to cuckoldmike?

A woman can be platonic friends with a male. If she is married, best to have the friendship known to her husband and if there are any meet-ups where the husband isn't there, make sure they're out in public and not private in any way.

That avoids problems.

I've had male friends back to my high school days. Many were guys with whom I stayed friendly after one or the other of us broke up.

Many of my male friends also became friendly with my husband. If they didn't, it wasn't a problem.

I can think of one online male friend who posts here who I've actually met/socialized with. I know his wife, he knows my husband. Sometimes he and I have talked and socialized alone, but it has been out in public where anyone could walk up. That's protection, for him and for myself. Not like I'm worried, I'm old, but old habits die hard.

I think that if you're attracted to the friend, that's dicier. Sounds to me like the OP was attracted to the woman. That could be a problem.

I'm still friends with her. We don't hang out tons or gab on the phone for hours, but we get along quite nicely. Her husband is a nice guy, too, and they're both Browncoats.

You don't sound as excited. Heeded everyone's advice I guess?

How excited do I sound over the internet in general? I've got some nice friends. Her and I sit together in church while her husband plays in the band.

As for heeding EVERYONE's advice, that would've required me to nail her twice and then ignore her completely, because the advice in this thread ran the whole spectrum. She and I are friends.

Well then the mandate of the thread is fulfilled. Apparently it CAN be done.