If I Only Had The White House...

Oh my balls would be itchin' and the people would be bitchin...

(cough, tosses that filk in the trash before it gets started)

Anyhoo.

My Fellow Wordforgers...

As President, here would be my appointments for my administration.

Veep: K1A. My foremost goal with this appointment is to prevent my own assassination.

SecTreas: Storm. He seems to have done well for himself, financially. Let's see how he does with a bigger budget. And I doubt he'd raise taxes.

SecAgro: Evenflow. Seems to know his way around the farming business.

FBI Director: Elwood. I want a Director who would be inclined to lead the charge into the compounds full of heavily armed whackos.

CIA Director: Tamar. I want to actually catch bin Laden.

SecDef: Forbin. I'm sure he excels at presentations, and this would impress Karen in Security.

SecHealth: Talkahuano, because now I know more about worms than I ever wanted to know.

White House Spokesperson: Garamet. I want to see her drive Hannity completely and utterly batshit.

NASA Director: Dayton. Don't look at me that way. He's got totally silly ideas when it comes to earthbound matters, but I agree with him on space exploration. Plus I think there's little chance of starting a war with Mars.

SecState: Mrs. Albert...because of the power of the Evil Girly Parts.

UN Ambassador: Uncle Albert. For Mrs. A's good cop, we need a bad cop. And the Security Council meetings get really boring.

Attorney General: Faceman. Because I learned from Magneto the need for expendable pawns.

SecInterior: Eh, what's this person even DO? Ehhh...put Diacanu in it, see what happens.

SecLabor: Chris. Just to hear the screams.

Energy: Lethesoda. Zombie power. It's the way of the future.

Education: Tough one. Think I'll split this between Mrs. Flow, Meka and Shep.

SecCommerce: Jeff Cooper Disciple. Seems to have a rightly mercenary attitude but needs a new career.

Housing and Urban Development: Mewa. WhatElseYouGonnaDo?

Transportation: Marso. I'm sure he can straighten out the air travel system. Plus he can fly his own damn self around the country.

Education: Split this between WF's educator establishment, with the goal that the one who achieves the best results, wins.

Homeland Security: Dissolved. Don't see what this position could do that cooperation between the other cabinet spots can't accomplish.

Veteran's Affairs: Muad'Dib, because Confederate Veterans have been ignored for far too long.

Chief of Staff: Cassandra. Because she has a chilling Germanic accent. I need a Kissinger.

Intern: Meka. I might have to pull some all-nighters.

I would vote for Hillary long before you.

I trust that states my position strongly enough.

I'll take any job you got left if I get to have Shakes as my....executive assistant.

That's all right. You'll find it difficult to vote from Guantanamo, Mr. Enemy Combatant.

Yeah, send me to the fuckin' U.N. That'll end well.

Suggest me for British ambassador to the US...

Should I mention he listed education twice?

I guess we know where the emphasis will be on the new administration.

I will put an end to gentrification. I will ensure that lower income people DON'T get moved out of their neighborhoods.

Linda: I'll mention that to the Queen when I meet her..."Yo, Liz, how about sendin' that hot red-headed momma over as your Ambassador? I hear she throws good parties!"

Harmon: Blame my intern. She needs to be spanked.

Be thankful I'm not President. I'd show the weorld what a police state really is and make Hitler and Stalin pale in copmparison.

Hmmm. I did want to watch Garamet's first press conference...but that might be more interesting to watch.

I take it you're learning Kirkspeak too?

Notice the smiley.

Spelling Nazi.

No, that's babaspeak. Justlee is his cousin.

Explain.

First you need to look up gentrification.

I know what the word means. What you need to explain is how it constitutes "moving"* anyone out of their neighborhood, and how you can prevent that without infringing on someone's property rights.

*That's moving. Not raising property values to the point that the taxes are out of someone's reach.

Dude, I would do what I could to ensure that lower income people have a decent place to live. gentrification is the biggest threat to lower income areas.

But my friend, this is a mock administration. Don't over think it. Just try to enjoy yourself if that is possible.

So Mewa would move white people out of their homes at gunpoint for blacks to move in. How socialist of him. He mus be a roomate to Heneryhill.

That it is a "threat" doesn't mean you have any right to interfere with it. No one is entitled to a home in a location of their choosing at a price they can afford.

Well I think differently. Looks like my fight will be against the likes of you.

Explain your thinking. Justify your position. Then describe how you expect to do anything about it without violating someone's rights.

Yes, sir. As soon as POTN gets in the White House I'll draft my report. So you can hold ya ankles until its ready pal.

Next time, just save us both the trouble and admit you're full of shit.

I think you need to go take a shit.

I save myself the trouble and always assume that Mewa's full of shit.

Can't believe a word that faggot says.

And you enjoy yourself a whole lot more, right?!

Who says I'm not enjoying myself?