Star Wars Episode VII - The Force Awakens (SPOILERS)

I never considered myself a Star Wars fan, but that shot is so beautiful it really did send a shiver down my spine.

And still no Luke...

Isn't it pretty well established that Kylo Ren is played by Adam Driver? Plus, Luke knew how to build a light saber. The cross-blade saber is clearly the work of an amateur.

I'm pretty sure Kylo Ren is a Skywalker. Just not sure if he's Luke, Luke's son, or Rey's brother.

He's not Luke, but I'll grant the other options as high probability.

After the rebel success at Endor and the overthrow of Emperor Palpatine, Luke was a galactic hero, feted at state dinners on every planet in the Empire and the must-have guest on every morning talk-show. The hero at parties everywhere, it went to his head. He got hooked on drugs and alcohol and he of course fucked like a madman and littered the galaxy with his spawn. Kylo Ren turned to the dark side because Luke couldn't even remember Kylo's mother's first name. Met her at a party and banged her on a pool table without even using a Jedi mind trick.

WAIT WAIT WAIT. Luke's the comedian?


Thought he was the trickster

Yeah, the script just writes itself.

Leia: "Why won't you face him?"
Luke: "Because he's my son."
Leia: "Well who's his mother?"
Luke: "How the fuck should I know? There were so many I don't even remember most of them."
Leia: "Well lets narrow it down. Which planets could he have come from?"
Luke: "All of them, I think, unless I accidentally skipped one."
Leia: "You were herding the hell out of the nerfs, weren't you?"
Luke: "Yup."

Your post-ROTJ Luke sounds kinda like David Cassidy, Charlie Sheen, among others!

Luke must have been a cast member on the SW Galaxy's version of "Celebrity Rehab"

Leia was on The View once, but only once.

Yakker 1: "So how is it you're called 'Princess' Leia?"
Leia: "Well, because I'm a Princess."
Yakker 2: "But as we found out after Endor, your Dad wasn't the king of Alderaan, he was fucking Darth fucking Vader."
Leia: "Yes, Annakin Skywalker was my biological father."
Yakker 1: "There ya go."
Leia: "But the parents who raised me *sniffles* were..."
Yakker1: "From Alderaan, which don't exist, and where you weren't a real princess."
Leia: "They adopted me as their own."
Yakker2: "Adopted? They stole your ass from your dad, Lord fucking Vader."
Leia: "Well my birth mother was Queen Padme Amadala."
Yakker 3: "That's not royalty, that's a contest where everybody votes for the hottest chick. I was Miss Banthan Butt Cheeks two years running. That don't make my daughter no princess."
Leia: "Sure it does."
Yakker 1: "Then why ain't nobody talkin' about 'Prince' Luke."
Leai: "Well..."
Yakker 2: "So your real dad, not the folks that stole you, was a bastard child working in a junk yard on a backwater junk planet, and your mom was some Nabooian pole-dance queen who fucked the most evil man in the Galaxy. Now I don't hold that against your brother cause he come up from nothin', hear what I'm sayin', but you is just trash, honey. Capitol-T Trash."
Yakker 3: "And you got a rap sheet a parsec long. Murder, attempted murder, receiving stolen property, flight to avoid prosecution, smuggling, arms trafficking, aiding and abetting, and accessory to murder. What do you say to that, Miss Trash Tits?"
Leia: "It's not like that!"
Yakker 1: "Then what's it like?"
Leia: "We free'd the Galaxy of Emperor Palpatine!"
Yakker 2: "Out of the frying pan and into the fire."
Yakker 3: "He was polling at 82 percent, bitch. Now the government's being run by a goddamn smuggling ring."
Yakker 1: "They's tryin' to ban bras!"
Leia: "That's not my doing."
Yakker 2: "Well maybe the Force can hold your tits up, but it doin' nothing for these big puppies."
Yakker 3: "We gotta cut to a commercial. Next up, this year's must-have makeup droids. We'll put three to the test."

Spanish news lets the truth slip.



Yes, the rebels are Al Qaeda, which led to ISIS.

You idiots don't understand Star Wars. Lucas says it's not about space battles, it's a family soap opera.

It's a trap!

Oh, and you're slipping Wrodforge. New trailers up last week:

Cool picture, but it's been official for some time that he would have a role in this movie.

Yet another new trailer!

http://www.starwars.com/video/star-wars-the-force-awakens-all-the-way-tv-spot

Backstory on R2-KT, a pink R2 unit that is in the movie.

Without reading the link, does it have to do with boobies?

edit

It doesn't. Now I feel slightly insensitive.

Do you read nothing but garbage like the Daily Mail?

Jesus wept.

Yeah, they had a cool story on that.

EW soundcloud interview with JJ Abrams. There are a bunch of them, including his comment that Han shot first and his take on the theory that Jar Jar Binks became a Sith.

ETA: They need to work on their tech. It rolls into a completely unrelated interview.

Oh
My
Fucking
God!

The Luke bit is fake.

Yeah, it's a fan made trailer, and Luke is from a leaked on the set photo. However, all of the footage is real, and some of it I had not previously seen. We'll get it all soon enough, of course.

Lucas still to this day tries to make people think that he had intended for Greedo to shoot first. There was nothing stopping him from filming it that way in 1977 so he's really been disengenous with his "reason" for the change.

TWO WEEKS from tonight TFA begins its invasion of movie theaters everywhere!

At least in North America anyway(?).

ANYONE going to any early showings on the night of Thursday the 17th?

I wish! I actually don't have tickets at all, because the times on the 18th don't work well for my kids (school night). But they keep adding more screens, so I'm watching and will grab something I'm sure.

I'd like to, but I don't do well with crowds.