Successful, Black, and Lonely - Why Black Women Can't Find Happiness...Anna, get in here!

Re: Successful, Black, and Lonely - Why Black Women Can't Find Happiness...Anna, get in he

How many babies does this black woman have? :santa_shocked:

Re: Successful, Black, and Lonely - Why Black Women Can't Find Happiness...Anna, get in he

I thought it was called parole...

Re: Successful, Black, and Lonely - Why Black Women Can't Find Happiness...Anna, get in he

You couldn't be more wrong.

Black men (NOT ALL OF COURSE) love "thick" black women. Go pick up any magazine targeted towards black men (KING, Black Men, Smooth among others) and you will see.

Black women (NOT ALL OF COURSE) want to get a huge ass.

I see this at work all the time. I see it in the community. I hear people talking about it constantly.

I don't know why black men date white women because each person is different of course but fatness or lack of ain't got nothing to do with it. Plenty of black men like big white women too.

Re: Successful, Black, and Lonely - Why Black Women Can't Find Happiness...Anna, get in he

You know, a lot of black women complain about Black men aren't doing anything and are generaly worthless. But as pointed out to me, the same men that black women complain about seem to be the only ones that they take interest in (especially city women). The black men that are smart enough to stay in school and off the streets, all the others will disown them as "Uncle Toms" or "Trying to be White" and want nothing to do with them. A lot of young black women feel the same way. Its only later that they (black women) start to change their views, but by then most of the men that they rejected in their youth want nothing to do with them "especially if they have a lot of babies from different men that are all either dead, in jail, on drugs, or won't (can't) pay child support"

There are other black women that will force sucesssful black men to interacially date too. These are the ones that suffer from the "Baby Daddy Syndrome" where everything their ex boyfriends did to them, they tend to take out on every man that comes along afterwards. Ask almost any white woman thats involved with a Black man and over 90% will tell you that they didnt go out looking for their man, their man came looking for them.

Crazy.. but seemingly true

:santa_undecided:

Re: Successful, Black, and Lonely - Why Black Women Can't Find Happiness...Anna, get in he

Comments and Thoughts in no particular order:
Starguard- Successful, black women don't have "baby daddies" that's pretty much one of the points of this woman's book. You're looking for a husband, not a baby daddy.
Zombie- Yup Black guys do like "thick" girls. As for black women being overweight, while this is true, there is a problem with BMI as an indicator for many reasons one of them being not taking into account muscle, etc. This said, lots of guys black or otherwise are into "thick" girls. I've never had a problem getting a date, and no guys been complaining about my booty.

The issue of settling: You know, personally, I've tried to date guys who didn't go to college or had blue collar jobs. We never seem to have anything in common. It usually leads to issues: like wanting to do different things, having different interests, him being intimidated by work/college buddies. I've dated some awesome guys, but these issues often led to us drifting apart. For me, it's why I generally try to date guys who have at least gone to college.

Re: Successful, Black, and Lonely - Why Black Women Can't Find Happiness...Anna, get in he

Hypothetical: Even considering your experience with non-college or blue collar men, if you met a man who fell into either or both of those categories who was able to connect knowledgeably with your interests (which might be out of his "expected range"), would you consider dating him? Or has your experience to date soured you on the prospect?

Re: Successful, Black, and Lonely - Why Black Women Can't Find Happiness...Anna, get in he

You know, my dad (who is black) told me something a very long time ago. Something that Ive always carried in my heart"

"For every MAN, there is a WOMAN"

"For every DOG, there is a BITCH"

"WOMEN belong with MEN"

"BITCHES belong with DOGS"

"You NEVER, EVER cross breed the two"

They are two different people living in two different worlds, how can they ever hope to end up in the same place?

How can a woman who is trying to finish school with a decent GPA, find a decent Job, save for a nice House, a Nice Car, Nice furniture, and live the american dream, accomplish this with a man thats doing everything expect what shes trying to do. A man that wants to Gangbang, Rob, Rape, Shoot Stab, Kill ect.. ect! How can they both ever hope to end up in the same place?

Same goes for a man. A man thats trying to finish school, find decent work, buy a nice house, a nice car, ect.. ect. How can he accomplish these things with a woman that wants to run the club 7 nights a week, has 8,9,10 other boyfriends all at once, has babies popping out of her like bullets out of a machine gun, all with different daddies that are all violent criminals, shes in and out of lockdown, back and forth to court and is generally running all over the neighborhood and cannot take more that 2 steps without having 1000 gangbangers and bums swirling around her. How can he ever expect to start a family with someone like that.

"WHORES do not make HOUSEWIVES"

"HOODRATS dont make HUSBANDS"

"A MAN cannot make a housewife out of a WHORE"

"A WOMAN cannot make a husband out of a HOODRAT"


It just won't work!

:santa_sad:

Re: Successful, Black, and Lonely - Why Black Women Can't Find Happiness...Anna, get in he

Of course, I would consider dating him. Hope springs eternal and all that. I'd love to find the carpenter/landscaper of my dreams, I can't fix anything!!! It's why I dated those guys in the past. Dating is to see if it works. Still one of the definitions of insanity is doing the same thing, and expecting different results. Also if you look at statistics for successful marriages ( and I do cause it's part of what we counselors study) similar education is a very good indicator of marital stability.
Still I try to be open minded and not have a check list. Because looking for someone who is similar to me on every level AND I have chemistry with AND who is available is like trying to find a needle in a haystack.
It's like playing poker in a casino the odds are stacked against me.
I have bad luck in love, but happily it only takes one good hand to win the game.

Re: Successful, Black, and Lonely - Why Black Women Can't Find Happiness...Anna, get in he

The man doesn't choose the woman, the woman choose the man :santa_shocked:

Re: Successful, Black, and Lonely - Why Black Women Can't Find Happiness...Anna, get in he

Well, depending upon your experiences, you can't necessarily depend upon an "of course" as an answer. Then again, dating is a crap shoot, credentials notwithstanding.

Would you agree that, even with a C.V. which would appear to be to your liking, that the odds are just as long that you'll end up with the "person of your dreams"? It was my experience that train wrecks transcend class barriers.

Re: Successful, Black, and Lonely - Why Black Women Can't Find Happiness...Anna, get in he

Actually I wouldn't agree that if the C.V. were to my liking that the odds are just as long, because they aren't. The science tell us that two people of similar backgrounds who marry have a very high chance of success.

Re: Successful, Black, and Lonely - Why Black Women Can't Find Happiness...Anna, get in he

My uncle's a prime example of this. His first wife made sure to push him to get a decent career in the Office of Corrections, move out the hood and start raising their family away from the violence of Oakland. She grew up more poor than I could ever imagine, and thus knew how to save money and not to waste it on stupid shit. I imagine if she were still alive, she'd be more well off than 90 percent of everyone else I know. She had class and decency and actually raised her own kids.

When she died, my uncle bounced around from woman to woman that spent everything they had in savings because he was just desperate for anything with breasts to take care of his needs and finally settled on the most gold-digging wasteful louse of the lot. I've yet to see her hold a job longer than six months--just long enough to pay for the next big vacation, and I've lost track of how many times her kids were thisclose to getting killed and she was too drunk/too high to notice or care. The two of them have blown through money like crazy, to the pint where my family has more money than they do. And that's not saying much when I'm the only one with anything resembling dispensable income these days.

There's something to be said about coming from two different worlds like Vandy pointed out, but some women just don't give them the chance because they don't look quite as polished as she'd like, or because their idiot dateless friends tell him he's "beneath" her for not having as many degrees as she has. I knew a laywer whose friends just couldn't get why she'd "lower" herself by dating a bartender.

Re: Successful, Black, and Lonely - Why Black Women Can't Find Happiness...Anna, get in he

I really don't know if this is the case. What is sucessful? Is there an annual income associated with the term? A certain background?

I married kind of young so I don't know what the dating game is like nowadays, but I certainly doubt that statistic.

For instance, I have a friend in Chicago who is a paramedic. He makes about $60k a year... Does he qualify? How about my brother in law, a corrections officer that makes $50k... Where does he stand? And then, my best friend from college makes $135k. In my mind, they are all successful, but only one of them have a college degree, one is a homeowner and the other has more baby mommas than anyone needs in thier life... but all of them are successful men.

I've heard the sob story before from several different places and the only thing I can see in common is a bunch of miserable women who would be miserable if they had a man in thier life anyway.

Re: Successful, Black, and Lonely - Why Black Women Can't Find Happiness...Anna, get in he

Damn. Black people got it messed up. Not only do you deal with racism but black women hate black men. WTF? I don't think this division is so pronounced in other ethnicities/races/whatever.

Running off with someone of another race is more of a work-around than a solution. Not like it's any of my business or place to say anything, anyway.

Re: Successful, Black, and Lonely - Why Black Women Can't Find Happiness...Anna, get in he

That all depends. My Mom (who is white) and Dad (who is black) have been married for 32 years. Nowadays hardly no one stays married anymore. I'm VERY lucky that mines did!

Re: Successful, Black, and Lonely - Why Black Women Can't Find Happiness...Anna, get in he

Well it might have been true love or what have you, but the tone of this other stuff sounds like "Y'know, our black men are broken. We have a problem on our hands."

Re: Successful, Black, and Lonely - Why Black Women Can't Find Happiness...Anna, get in he

Speaking for myself , I'd be happy with a guy who can pay his bills and has some idea about investing in the future. I wouldn't completely rule out kids with another woman, since so many people get pregnant in high school, but a background in prison other than self-defense would be a complete disqualifier...it'd have to be anyway, since I've been told the military frowns upon that, anyway.

Yeah, the women with tons of degrees are more and more picky about the men they date, regardless of race. On the flip side, many women with even one degree and makes over 100K has a hard time finding a man that isn't intimidated by the fact that she makes more money that she does. Even if they wanted to consider a relationship where she's the breadwinner, most freak out about it.

There's certainly a problem with excluding a race out from the get-go, IMO. But with my interests in music and anime and basically hold onto random facts like Ken Jenkins or whoever that little Mormon guy was from Jeopardy, I don't expect to have an easy time finding a guy of any race.

Re: Successful, Black, and Lonely - Why Black Women Can't Find Happiness...Anna, get in he

I have no degrees, and I am dirt poor because I started my own business. Does that make me undatable?

Re: Successful, Black, and Lonely - Why Black Women Can't Find Happiness...Anna, get in he

The 135k guy is successful! If you don't pull down 6 figures by age 35 you are a failure IMHO!

Re: Successful, Black, and Lonely - Why Black Women Can't Find Happiness...Anna, get in he

Well you are a Chinaman and white woman dont go for your kind (unless they have strange self esteem issues) And the successful white and black guys with yellow fever scoop up the cream of the top of your race for themselves, so I suggest you settle for one of the ugly fresh off the boats immigrants from a poor rural province of china, she will be ugly, but should be able to cook and clean.

IMHO!

Re: Successful, Black, and Lonely - Why Black Women Can't Find Happiness...Anna, get in he

Jesus Christ.

From the look of things here, some women are about a half-step away from requiring prospective mates to submit a credit application. You don't want love, you want a business partner who shares your superficial, calculating nature and doesn't challenge you to accept a different perspective on life.

Re: Successful, Black, and Lonely - Why Black Women Can't Find Happiness...Anna, get in he

The $135k/yr. friend of mine has kids with 3 different women. He pays so much in child support that my $50k/yr friend probably has more disposable income (he's the unmarried homeowner). His current girlfriend of a few years now (black woman as well) owns her own business and brings home over $200k/yr. Since she's not in need of money, the relationship works, IMHO. I guess his educational background and intrest is such that they have some common intrest... and that's all that matters.

There are several people who make less than $100k/yr. that I consider successful. There are some who make more money and I wouldn't want to be in thier shoes for anything.

Re: Successful, Black, and Lonely - Why Black Women Can't Find Happiness...Anna, get in he

Not to your hand!

Re: Successful, Black, and Lonely - Why Black Women Can't Find Happiness...Anna, get in he

On the surface it can look that way, but at the end of the day, when all the fucking and money earning is done, a guy and a gal have to have something in common that they can talk about with each other... some common intrest. It doesn't have to be much, but you just have to enjoy spending time together on some level. If you're into philosophy and politics and all she's a shallow self absorbed narciscist, it's not going to work. Sometimes, education and life goals can get in the way of that.

Re: Successful, Black, and Lonely - Why Black Women Can't Find Happiness...Anna, get in he

"Success" is so subjective that it loses all meaning. If a person finds contentment, he/she is successful regardless of what they put on their tax receipts. Not everyone will be happy chained to a demanding career 24/7. I know I value my own free time more than any career pursuit.

Re: Successful, Black, and Lonely - Why Black Women Can't Find Happiness...Anna, get in he

what about a Vascular Surgeon that dabbles in rocket science? :santa_azn:

Re: Successful, Black, and Lonely - Why Black Women Can't Find Happiness...Anna, get in he

After a lifetime of being on the paperchase, this is a realization that I'm slowly coming to.

Re: Successful, Black, and Lonely - Why Black Women Can't Find Happiness...Anna, get in he

Tele-Marketing is not a career. It's a time occupier for uneducated lower class North Americans until their jobs go to India.

After that we as a society will simply have to cull the unemployable tele-marketers and can their meat into curries that the new Indian tele-marketers can consume.

Re: Successful, Black, and Lonely - Why Black Women Can't Find Happiness...Anna, get in he

That's nice. Run along now.

Re: Successful, Black, and Lonely - Why Black Women Can't Find Happiness...Anna, get in he

"careers are something for people who can't hold down a job". Read that in the new Terry Pratchett. It amused me.