Monkeys on the loose where I live!

This is a Level 3 biological containment research center surrounded by 10 foot chain link fence topped by coiled barb wire and it's only two miles from my home. They mess around with all kinds of nasty things there like HIV and Ebola.

Sure, the government says they were just "breeding stock" and not actual lab monkeys, but who here trusts the government 100%?

Any suggestions on how to defend myself from an escaped monkey? For now I'm carrying a banana to throw should I find myself in a face to face encounter with one of these beasts. Especially that fourth monkey, he's a wily one.

Years from now this will be recorded in history books as the place and time, the original incident, from which the the first great zombie pandemic began.

Don't look directly at them, especially not in the eyes, don't move suddenly or towards them, don't show your teeth. Keep in mind that if they attack, they'll likely try to scratch or gouge your eyes out (as opposed to a cougar or wolf that would probably try to get at your throat).

12ga buckshot - They're stronger and quicker than human beings.

That would be so cool if the keepers were doing a head-count and
found a blanket with leaves and dirt shaped to look like a sleeping monkey!

If they lied about the monkeys just being "breeding stock" when they're actually carrying Ebola or some other nasty thing to avert a panic, then why was it that the government warned us about salmonella-laced tomatoes that led to people throwing out or shunning tomatoes in panic for a few weeks (and Quiznos and Subway didn't offer any, either )? One panic good, one panic bad? Or is this just an example of government incompetence and lack of sensibility and rational behavior?

The End Times have begun.

For some reason, I expected this to be in New Jersey.

I expected ground zero to be above a coffee shop.

They would just turn on you, wouldn't they?

Only four? As long as it isn't twelve.

I have experience at that from having posted here. Good advice!

Or if they tunneled out like in The Great Escape.

Good thing I'm married and have kids, eh?

[YT="An on-the-spot-report on the situation in Beaverton..."]eau3RoxGN8E&feature=related[/YT]








Edit: And clearly, we've all missed the most important part of the story: Beaverton? Seriously, Beaverton? I may have hunch what those monkeys broke out to look for...

Get the bio suits and Dustin Hoffman stat, we've got an OUTBREAK!!!

For the love of GOD, nobody reference this event in describing the current state of our government. No cartoons, no editorials, nothing.

References to monkeys can only be a Conservspeak codeword for 'nigger'. Open your hearts to the Age of Obama.

Buy a gun. A .38 would probably be enough, but a .45 has way more stopping power.

Those monkeys are likely terrified, they aren't going to hurt anyone unless they're cornered. From the picture on the linked site it looks like they are snow monkeys or another type of Macaque. They are probably less than three feet tall and weigh less than thirty pounds, they like seeds and fruit, they don't eat other mammals and they aren't about to attack an ape of human proportions.

That's just what they want you to think.

And yet they're likely to be as strong if not stronger than a fully grown man.

I'm just sayin'.

I've heard of other apes having much denser muscle mass than us humans and I could see that being true to some extent with monkeys as well but I'd appreciate a bit more info regarding Macaques.

Yes, but monkeys are very fast....so considering a moving target, a shotgun would be better.

That's my thought. If it works well for raccoons, it should work well for monkeys.

Update: Only one monkey remains on the loose. He's probably the smartest, most clever one though so I'm remaining on Monkey Alert today.

Well, the last fugitive monkey was recaptured this afternoon so my Monkey Alert has been cancelled. The crisis is over for now.

oldfella you're getting better. that was good.

Sheeeesh!!

Bah. I read this thread too late to be of any use this time. But still, remember: