Well, might as well get it out in the open. Me and the missus are splitting up after 3 years. Yup. She got cold feet over the wedding and decided it wasn't for her...although truth be told I had been having some reservations myself. We have had a very fiery relationship, us both being quite stubborn and opinionated, and ultimately neither one of us wanted to back down. We tried our best to make it work and thought that we could tolerate each other's faults, but when it came to the crunch we realised that ultimately for one to be very happy the other would make strong sacrifices, which I don't think was fair to either. It's a damn shame because she's an absolutely lovely girl and we put so much effort into the thing, but ultimately we have realised that those final pieces of the jigsaw were out of our hands and we were trying to convince ourselves that things were going to work, when it fact the cracks had been showing for quite a while. I now have to move out of the place we live in and go and live with my damned parents.....because I'm only part time at work, having been made full time redundant some months ago....and my own apartment is let to tenants.....so I have no home to go to but the house I grew up in. Damn, not looking forward to that. Not only is it bloody miles away but I have to put all my own stuff into storage and sleep on what used to be the blow up bed the OH and I used for guests. Now I have to go about getting a full time job again so that I can get myself back in my own home!! Not happy. Now, what the fuck do I do with the $6000 engagement ring I bought in Dubai?
Propose to Dan? But seriously it sucks but it's probably for the best. A messy divorce would be a lot worse then what you are going through now.
Sounds to me like you're doing the right thing. Being stuck in a miserable marriage is no way to go through life. I have no idea how you get on with your parents, but this might be a chance to build some bridges with them. Not to be Pollyanna about the situation. It's not ideal, but maybe you could make something good out of that. Bottom line, two people happily living separately sounds better to me than one couple being miserable.
Come on man, I just ate lunch. Yeah, that was our view too. We were under pressure to have kids as well because of her age and I think it would have been bad to bring a child into a messy marriage.
I'm not glad that this happened, but I'm glad that it happened now instead of after marriage. Best wishes as you recoup and reorganize. PS, I'm looking for a ring. PM me - might be interested in the diamond.
Right now you have an opportunity, any changes you want to make now is the best time. Location, interests, career path, friends. Use this as a positive.
Yeah, may well need that. Been thinking of getting away from it one weekend so lets try and work something out.
Yeah, I know. Only problem with career is that my mortgage requires me to earn at a certain level so if I am to get back to my apartment then I've gotta still be in the legal profession. Ideally I'd just chuck it all in and start afresh at something else, but alas that's not going to happen. I won't move away from London either. It is, after all, my home, where I'm from and where the best law jobs are. As for friends, I think I just lost all my new friends overnight!!! I am thinking of some new interests though......such as alchoholism, drugs, bondage and crime.
Speaking as someone with at least 2 friends in bad marriages (one still slogging thru a messy divorce) with children, yeah, you're doing the best thing. It's also good you've only been together a few years. I have one friend who divorced after 30 years, and my sister after 20. They both spend time wondering why they wasted so much of their lives with the wrong person. (Dad warned her he was a schmuck!!)
Having been through a bad divorce I can tell you 100% you are better off for it ending this way. Doesn't help the pain though......
Well the decision was made a couple weeks back so I'm past the initial pain now, that's why I'm now telling my friends.
Sorry to hear it, Chup. I guess there aren't any good answers besides the "This is still better than the alternative" that plenty of others have given. Hope things start looking up for you soon.
Sorry to hear this - it's never easy to decide that "happily ever after" is only going to happen if you and your love are apart. At least you are parting civilly and not wanting to use the other as a target. As for the ring - pawn it and put the money in a CD or a savings account. Or take the money and have a party.
I told you not to push for a Klingon wedding. OK. Kidding aside, sorry to hear this. Is it really and truly a done deal, or might you want to just take a couple weeks apart to see how you feel? You managed to make things work for 3 years and were to the point of planning a wedding, so there must've been something there.
Yeah, we've had silly tiffs and psuedo break ups before. This is the real deal.....and anyhow, I'm feeling like its time to move on.
Sorry to hear that Chupster. I think, though, with your personality and quick wit, you'll be back on your feet in no time. It may suck to move back in with your parents, but that is what strong family ties are for. No shame in using those ties in these situations. I also think it was a good decision. Generally, older women want kids right away, and if you weren't there yet, it's better to pull back than be stuck in a situation where you see the wife and kids as a ball and chain. Plus, now, there will be new hot girls to chase.
Are your tenants on an AST? Can you not just give them 2 months' notice and be at your apartment just in time for Xmas?
Normally yes, but I am out of full time work, working on a fee sharing basis only, and I need their rental income to cover most of the mortgage. I cannot serve notice until I have secured a full time salaried job.....or a huge influx of new cases.
